Expressing My Love
by lugenewalters
Summary: Kendall Knight is alone in the world until Logan Mitchell comes along, but Logan's plans for his future are practically set in stone. Can Kendall find a way to become a part of those plans? AU. Kogan. Rated M for language now, but other reasons will come.
1. Thursday's Stranger

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** What's this, you ask? This is a PREVIEW of one of the stories I will be writing after I finish "Fragments." I've been working on this for a while now, and I've finally gotten secure enough with the beginning parts of it to write and post the first chapter. It's merely a preview, so this will be it until "Fragments" is done, which hopefully won't be long. You'll see that this story, while also being a Kogan story, is very, very different. Hopefully you will like it! Soon, the first chapter of the Jarlos story I want to write alongside this one will also be posted, and then I'll get back to "Fragments," finishing it up and then moving on to writing these two fics. Happy reading!

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><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 1 -**

**Thursday's Stranger**

Thursday was Kendall Knight's favorite day of the week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday were usually spent working upwards of ten hours at the factory, and by the time he'd get home, he'd be so tired and exhausted that all he could do was eat a quick dinner, watch maybe a couple hours of TV, and drift off to sleep to do it all again the next morning.

But Thursday was different. Thursday was a day off, and it was his one and only opportunity to do what he wanted to do when he wanted to do it and how he wanted to do it. Sure, he was off on weekends, too, but so were many others in his small hometown. Thursdays were all his, though, and there was no one around to scrutinize his every decision. Sometimes, he'd just laze around the trailer all day, and sometimes, he'd hop in his truck and drive far, far away to nowhere special.

Sometimes he'd wish for someone to share his Thursdays with.

On this particular Thursday, the lanky, athletic 20-year-old woke up at the conservative hour of 8am. He took a long, hot shower, and then he stood for a bit in front of the mirror to give himself a lookover. Dirty blond hair, green eyes, dimples, and a bright smile that could get him the moon if he wanted it. A thin, modest body with some muscles thanks to his heavy workload. He dried himself off and smoothed his hands over his abs. He knew he looked good, and he knew he could get anybody he wanted.

A fresh cup of coffee and a plate of bacon and eggs were on his mind all morning, and he decided to head out to the Autumn Eatery for just that.

Autumn, Kansas, was a small town; population of about 2,000. It was thirty minutes away from a modern, nice-sized university town, but it might as well have been another world. Everyone knew everyone, and, of course, everyone knew everyone else's business. Everyone knew Kendall Knight, too, but everyone also knew that he'd had a rough go of things in his life so far, so no one tried to get on his bad side. He had quite the reputation as a little spitfire, and if anyone whispered anything about him behind his back on a Friday night at the local watering hole, they'd be guaranteed to receive a Grade A ass-whooping courtesy of the man himself.

This unspoken understanding extended to other aspects of Kendall's daily life, too, and so when he entered the diner on the morning of his favorite day of the week, he was not at all surprised when several of the bigger, brawnier men of Autumn all tensed up just a little in their chairs. He was surprised, however, by the stranger seated at the counter. Of course, out-of-towners passed through the Autumn Eatery every single day, and most of the time, Kendall just politely smiled and waved at them as they went on with their travels, but something about this particular outsider caught his eye almost immediately.

_Fuck, he's hot_, Kendall thought.

And he was! He was raven-haired and petite, and he was packaged in a sophisticated outfit that seemed to be tailor-made for his figure. The stranger sat with his back to the door, so Kendall couldn't see his face, but he could only imagine a set of deep, dark eyes and a smile as tempting as his own. It wasn't often that someone so attractive and intriguing wound up in dinky little Autumn, and Kendall's attention was squarely focused on this guy. Even when he took his usual table in the corner, he still couldn't keep himself from looking back and trying to get a glimpse of his face.

"Good mornin', Kendall darlin'," greeted Hazel, the plump and pleasant waitress. She'd been serving up dishes at the Autumn Eatery for all of Kendall's life, and for the last few years, she'd been the closest thing to a mother he had. She brought with her a pot of coffee and a mug, along with her trusty pad and pencil.

"Mornin', Hazel," he replied warmly.

"I have to say, I'm kinda bewildered to see you here on a Thursday," she said, pouring him some coffee. "I know how much you like to stay to yourself on your off day."

"Yeah, well..." he said, not really paying too much attention because he was still drawn to the stranger. "I had a craving for some bacon and eggs, and you know I can't cook worth a spit, so here I am."

The waitress chuckled. "Well, I know just how you like it. Bacon, eggs, and toast...with maple syrup all over the whole plate! Coming right up!"

"Thanks, Hazel," Kendall said with a smile. Once she was gone, he finally got himself together and stopped creeping on the guy at the counter. What would be the point in hovering over him, anyway? Just like all of the other outsiders, he probably stopped for a bite to eat and would soon be back on the highway, never to set foot in Autumn ever again. No use in Kendall getting all excited.

He gazed out the big windows into the main street of Autumn. Old ladies gossiping on the sidewalk as they made their way to the grocery store. Their husbands telling war stories as they sat outside the town's only gas station. The younger working men heading out to the factory where Kendall would normally spend his time. Teenagers, fresh out of school for the summer, gathering together before driving out to "the city," where they'd hang out at the mall all day. Such was life in Autumn. Kendall figured he'd have his breakfast and retreat to his secret spot in the woods, where he'd strum his guitar all day and work on the songs he'd been writing.

Hazel returned as promised with Kendall's order. Because it was a relatively slow morning, she was able to sit down with him for a quick minute to get an update on the goings-on of his life, though there wasn't much to update her on.

"Tell me, have you heard from your daddy at all?" she asked with concern.

"Nope," he replied. "It's been about six months now. To tell you the truth, the longer he stays away, the less I care about him ever coming back."

"Oh, Kendall..." she sighed, gently rubbing his arm as he ate. "He's the only family you've got left now...don't you want things to be better for the two of you?"

"Ha," Kendall let out. "I'm startin' to learn that what I want really doesn't matter much anymore."

Hazel didn't know what to say. It broke her heart to see her favorite guy so downtrodden, but all she could do was remind him that she would always be there for him. "Well...I love you like you was one of my own, you know that, right?"

"Yeah."

"And if you ever need anything, and I mean anything - money, food, shelter, or just a shoulder to cry on - you know better than to hesitate to call me."

"I know, Hazel, and I thank you. I'm gonna be fine, though, just okay. Every now and then I get in a little slump where I feel like life's not worth living, but I get over it."

"'Not worth living?' Kendall! You're breaking my heart here!"

Kendall grinned. "Maybe that was a little dramatic. But like I said, I'm gonna be fine! And it's Thursday, right? My problems are nothing that a day to myself can't solve."

Hazel took a moment to stare him down, to make sure she could believe that he was really all right, and then she got up to go back to work. "Well, if you ask me, that's part of the problem - all that time you spend by yourself out in that trailer. It ain't normal for a fella of your age to be all alone so much. You need a girl to help take some of your blues away."

"Yeah...well..."

Kendall was glad to be left alone now. He loved Hazel, but he always felt pressure when she talked to him about some things, and her desire to see him with a girl was one of them. She didn't know that he was getting more and more interested in the idea of dating guys, and he wasn't sure how she would react. Really, he wasn't sure how anyone in this one-horse town would react to that. But, he kept his fightin' hands ready at all times, so whenever push came to shove and everyone in Autumn knew that Kendall Knight swung his bat for both teams, all it'd take was a few beatdowns for everyone to remember not to fuck with him.

He finished his breakfast and was waiting on the bill. A crowd of tourist nuns had come into the diner, and they were keeping Hazel, the lone waitress, busy, so Kendall sat patiently. His eyes once again turned to the stranger at the counter, who was waiting patiently for his bill as well. Finally, he turned to Kendall's direction for a quick second, and Kendall was both amused and let down by the fact that he'd been right - that boy was _very_ hot, indeed. The dark eyes were there, and so was the smile, and he even had cute little dimples, just like Kendall. They smiled nervously at each other, but the stranger soon turned back around.

_Too bad he's not staying_, Kendall thought to himself. Besides, the guy was probably straight as an arrow, anyway. From the looks of his clothes, he could have been part of the nuns' entourage.

Once all of the nuns' orders were taken, Hazel brought out the bills for Kendall and the stranger. Kendall immediately dug into his pockets because he already knew exactly how much he owed, but the stranger pulled out a debit card and sat it on the counter.

"Oh, um...we don't accept those," Hazel said upon seeing the shiny plastic card.

The stranger's eyebrows furrowed. "Uh..."

"There's a sign on the door," she explained. "Cash only. Honey, believe me, I don't have a problem with cards, but Fred, the guy who runs the place, he doesn't trust banks at all. It's cash or nothing. We don't even have one of those little swipin' machines."

"But I don't have any cash," the stranger said, his heartbeat getting faster. "All I have is my card."

"Um, well...is there any way you could get some cash?"

"I could call my parents, but they went into the city to run some errands, and I really wasn't supposed to leave my grandmother alone for too long..."

"Sorry, kid," Hazel apologized. "Maybe you can talk something over with Fred. I'll get him for you."

"No, don't worry about that," Kendall intervened, joining them at the counter. The stranger turned to him quickly. "What did he have?"

"Eggs, waffles, apple juice," Hazel read from the bill.

"Oh, that's it?" Kendall teased, winking at the stranger. "Put our bills together. I'll take care of it."

"Sir, I can't ask you to do that," the stranger protested even as Hazel stapled the two bills together and took Kendall's money.

"You didn't ask me; I offered," Kendall corrected him. "Unless you'd rather sit here and wait for your parents all day."

"Um...I don't...I don't know what to say," the stranger finally gave in. "I have to repay you."

"No, you don't."

"Yes! I do!"

"All right," Kendall agreed. "Tell you what. Next time you're in town, you can buy me breakfast." He started for the door. "Have a safe trip to wherever you're going."

"No, wait!"

But Kendall was gone out the door and down the sidewalk, back to this truck. Hazel came back with the change he was owed.

"I guess I'll just hand this over to you," she said, dropping seventy-three cents in his hand.

"Thanks," the stranger said. "Who was that guy?"

"Oh, that's Kendall," she beamed. "He's a real sweetheart."

_He is_, the stranger agreed silently.

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><p>Night always seemed to fall quickly in Autumn, even during the summer when days were supposed to be longer. Perhaps it was the lack of the neon signs and fluorescent lights that were common in bigger cities that made Autumn such a dark place at dusk. Whatever the case, by 8pm on week nights, most of the town's roads were empty except for a lone car here or there.<p>

Logan Mitchell was on his way home after dropping off Gladys Hoffman, his grandmother's best friend in the entire world. He'd picked her up that afternoon so that she could keep the sickly old lady company, but now as he traveled the dark, meandering roads, he couldn't help but regret offering to bring her back home. He was used to the bright lights of Dallas, the place he called home, and the comfort of knowing that there were tons of other vehicles on the road at any given time. In Autumn, it felt like he was all alone, and God forbid anything should happen to him before he got back to his grandmother's house.

The time alone did give him an opportunity to think, though, and as much as he tried to think about all of the fun and excitement that would come into his life once the summer was over and he was back in Dallas, he found his mind wandering back to his experience at the Autumn Eatery that morning and back to the generous donor who'd come to his rescue.

_He's not cute. He's just a nice guy who did a nice thing for me, and that's it. He probably went right home to read his Bible and sing his favorite church hymns. Or worse, he probably went shootin' in the woods with Toby Keith blaring on his truck radio. Or even worse, he probably went to bring his baby mama and their five kids to the welfare office to pick up this month's food stamps. Five kids...all of them probably have his green eyes, too. And there's probably one who has his dimples. Whatever. Maybe he _is_ cute. But he's not gay, so it doesn't matter._

He shook his head and turned the music up. The last thing Logan needed was to waste his time thinking about a boy - no, he was only looking for men, now. And, somehow, he had a feeling that the type of man he wanted would not be found in Autumn.

Just as he was getting lost in the music, however, the worst possible thing happened. It was the distinct sound of a broken beer bottle piercing through one of his front tires, and then it was the rough-and-tumble feeling of his Mustang limping along until it could no longer move forward. He tried his best to pull over to the side of the road - pointless, though, because who else was driving this late? - and when he did, he pounded on the steering wheel in frustration.

"Fuck!" he exclaimed. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

He knew he had a spare in the trunk, but he didn't know the first thing about changing a flat, nor did he even have all of the necessary equipment for that. He pulled out his cell phone, and, of course, there was no service. What was he supposed to do now? Just chill out in the middle of nowhere until someone came looking for him? And what if the wrong person came looking for him? He'd seen enough horror movies to be just a little worried.

There was still some light out, though the trees tried to block it, so maybe he could get out and walk to the nearest land line. Hopefully, whoever it belonged to wasn't looking to add him to their collection of bodies in the basement.

He got out of the car, tightened his shoelaces, and started to walk, but as soon as he was in the state of mind to see this journey through, a pair of headlights appeared down the street.

_Great_, he thought. _I'm either gonna be saved, or I'm gonna be killed right here in the street._

But as the driver of the other vehicle noticed Logan standing on the side of the road, he eased on the breaks until his truck came to a complete stop.

"Well, well, well!" Kendall called from the truck.

Logan was startled to see that it was _him_ again. As much as he needed help in this situation, a part of him wished it could have just been a homicidal maniac. The less time he spent with gorgeous straight guys, the better.

"Hi," Logan greeted hesitantly, waiting for someone else to show up. Even without his teeny tiny little crush on this strange guy, the simple fact that he already owed him breakfast was enough for him to refuse his help.

"You havin' car trouble?" Kendall asked as he shut off the truck and got out.

"Uh...yeah," Logan answered. "But, look, I don't want to keep you from wherever you're going, and you've already done enough for me today, so I'm sure someone else will come along and-"

"Please, it's nothing," Kendall cut him off. He walked around to the Mustang and took a look at the tire. "A flat tire. Is that all?"

"That's what it looks like."

"I can have that fixed in no time. Do you have a spare?"

"Yes."

"How about a jack?"

"No."

"All right, that's no problem. I have one. Lug wrench?"

"A what?"

Kendall laughed. "It's okay. I have one of those, too."

Kendall went rummaging in the bed of his truck, way more thrilled than he needed to be to see that his handsome stranger from that morning was still in town. Okay, he was sure that the guy was straight and that nothing was going to happen between the two of them, but he'd still help him out and make sure everything was running smoothly for him. Maybe they could be friends.

"Dude, look...I told you, you don't have to stop everything you're doing for me," Logan pleaded as he watched Kendall dig.

"And I told you that it's nothing," Kendall retorted.

Logan sighed and stamped his foot. The only thing he hated more than being indebted to someone was a sweet guy who didn't know how to quit when he was ahead. Didn't this guy know that he was merely a little gay boy who fell in love way too easily?

_Falling in love? Are you serious, Logan? _he asked himself._ He paid for your waffles, and now he's gonna fix your tire. That's it. And you're already getting carried away. It's not like he's gonna look at you with those green eyes and whisper in your ear that you're beautiful and then kiss you and then put his arms around you and... Just chill out, dude._

"Well, we have a problem," Kendall announced rather sadly. "Looks like I left my jack and my lug wrench at home."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I must have taken them out when I washed the truck last week. It won't take but five minutes to go and get them."

"No, please, don't bother," Logan said, hopping on to yet another chance to get away. "You can just bring me to my grandmother's house, and my dad can come back and take care of it."

"That's nonsense," Kendall decided. "I live right down the road, it won't take long at all for me to get the stuff, and then we can come back, and I can show you how to change a flat tire."

Logan's mouth twisted. He didn't want to seem ungrateful, but if only he could just tell this guy what the deal was, then maybe he'd get the hint. But Logan Mitchell was far from stupid, and telling a farm boy from Middle of Nowhere, Kansas, something along the lines of "Thanks, but if you keep helping me, I might want to kiss you and cuddle with you in front of a movie and maybe have sex with you" wasn't the smartest idea.

"Okay," he finally agreed.

"All right, then," Kendall smiled.

They got in the truck and set off for Kendall's trailer, which, admittedly, was more than just five minutes "down the road." Logan settled into the truck, but he made up his mind to be as guarded as possible.

"So, you're still here," Kendall said, hoping to start up a conversation. "Most people come and go in less than an hour."

"Heh, well," Logan shrugged in response, but he felt bad for being such a little bitch to this guy who was just trying to be nice. "I'm gonna be here for the summer."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I came with my parents to help take care of my grandmother. She's got cancer, and it's...well, she doesn't have much time left, so we're gonna be here for however long she needs us. My parents are busy getting all of her finances in order, so I'm gonna be the one to keep an eye on her most of the time."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Kendall offered sincerely.

"Oh, no, don't be sorry. I never really knew her at all, so I'm not too shaken up by it yet. It's very sad and depressing, though."

"I would imagine so!"

"Yeah. And not just the whole 'dying grandmother' thing, either," Logan said. "To be honest, this whole town is...not my kind of town at all. I mean, what kind of a restaurant doesn't take credit or debit? And don't even get me started on the old ladies who watch your every move when you're walking in town."

"Heh, yeah...Autumn's one of those types of towns."

"Yeah, well," Logan began, "I can't wait 'til it's time for me to get back to Dallas. I don't know how much longer I can stay in this hell hole, and it's only been a few days so far."

"Hey!" Kendall scolded. "You're talkin' about my hometown, you know. And may I remind you, two times today, someone from this hell hole has gone out of his way to help you out!"

Logan blushed and immediately felt horrible. "You're right, you're right. I'm sorry. Believe me, I am!"

"It's okay," Kendall grinned. "I was just pickin' on you."

"No, you're right. You've been way nicer than you've had any reason to be, and here I am, talking shit about your home."

Kendall shook his head. "It's okay. Trust me, sometimes I wanna just get out, too."

There was something sad about the way Kendall expressed that last thought, and they took the rest of the trip in silence. When they got to Kendall's, he quickly grabbed the tools needed to change Logan's tire, and they headed back to the spot on the road. Kendall got down and dirty and changed the tire, and even though he tried his best to explain the process to Logan, Logan wasn't really paying attention. All he could think about was how nice this guy was and how there seemed to be an undercurrent of sadness in his demeanor. When they'd gone to his home, Logan had noticed that all of the lights were off and there were no other cars in the driveway. He felt that there was a lot more to this Kendall guy than what he was seeing, but at the same time, he knew that if he got too involved, he might not have been able to control his feelings.

"All right, and there you go," Kendall announced when the tire change was complete. "One old, busted tire gone for good, and one new, fresh tire installed and ready for use."

"Thank you, sir," Logan replied, fishing his car keys out of his pocket. "How much do I owe you? Besides breakfast."

"Hehehe," Kendall laughed, not surprised that his act of generosity was met with an offer of compensation. "How about you give me the chance to show you that Autumn's not as bad as it seems?" he asked as he wiped his hands on his shirt. "Let me give you reason to want to stay."

Logan gulped. The request was innocent enough, sure, but there was enough ambiguity in it to give him hope that maybe, just maybe...

"Sure," he agreed. "If that's what you want, then that's what you'll get. But, I'll let you know, you have your work cut out for you."

"Oh, I know," Kendall told him. "But I can be very persuasive. By the end of the summer, you won't want to leave."

"Heh. We'll see."

"By the way, I never got your name," Kendall said as Logan went for the Mustang.

"Oh! It's Logan. Logan Mitchell."

"'Logan,'" Kendall repeated. "I like it. Nice to meet you, Logan."

"Nice to meet you, too, Kendall," Logan replied. "See you around," he said, and he got into the Mustang, cranking up his Fleet Foxes CD and speeding off down the road.

Kendall slowly put his equipment back into the bed of the truck and then set off for home. He wondered how Logan knew his name...probably got it from Hazel. But more than that, he wondered about what the summer would have in store for him.

_This is my chance...finally. This guy was sent here for me...I just know it._

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><p><strong>NOTE:<strong> Make sure you leave a review and let me know what you think so far! A lot of the story is planned out already, but depending on what you all think and want to see, I may make some changes based on your ideas. I will tell you right now, though, it will NOT take a looooong time for these two to get together. This story is less about getting them together and more about what happens when they're together, so like I said, it's very different from "Fragments." Can't wait to see what you all think!_  
><em>


	2. We Meet Again

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Yay, new story finally continues months after the first chapter! And to celebrate, today you're getting TWO new chapters!

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><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 2 -**

**We Meet Again****  
><strong>

The week following Kendall's first meeting with the intriguing stranger - _Logan_, he kept reminding himself, _his name is Logan_ - was a long and discouraging one. He went back to work on Friday, and, as much as he wanted to consider what could happen between himself and this spiffy-looking Logan Mitchell, he found himself unwillingly going back to his normal, everyday life. He did his part in getting Autumn's wheat through the milling process, and his focus on work soon left him without a spare thought to devote to this new guy.

Saturday went by as it normally did. Some of his friends and co-workers from the mill, all of whom he'd known since childhood, came over with beer and playing cards, and they bothered the shit out of him all day long. Stupid tall tales about all "that sweet pussy" they were getting and how they were gonna make "the big time" and build a Playboy mansion just outside of town. Sometimes, he just wanted to shoot himself, but this was his life, and he knew he had to make the best of it. Really, they were okay guys. Saturday night, he and the same lunkheads stalked The Wild Cherry, the town's premiere honky tonk and karaoke bar, where they tried to make love connections with the girls they'd graduated from high school with. "It's always the same people here," one of the guys had commented, but Kendall could think of someone new who wouldn't leave his mind.

Sundays in Autumn had their own normal routine. Everyone - or, just about everyone - had their butt parked on a pew at the First Baptist Church. Anyone who wasn't there would most definitely have their name scandalized under the breath of all the church ladies, and their whereabouts would be gossiped about for the following week. On this Sunday, when Kendall stepped into the church, a part of him wondered and hoped that he'd find Logan seated somewhere amongst the churchgoers, but when he found no such thing, he hung his head low all through service.

Sunday afternoon was family time with Hazel, her husband, and their kids, who were slightly younger than Kendall, and, therefore, not really his contemporaries. Still, this was nice, and it was always good to feel as if he was part of a family, if only for one day out of the week. He went home after this weekly ritual and watched ESPN until it was time to prepare for the work week. After shutting off the lights that Sunday night, though, he found himself on his knees beside his bed, issuing a silent prayer to whomever was listening. He took a deep breath, got into bed, and was soon off to sleep.

To Kendall's delight, his prayer was answered, for as the week unfolded, he caught glimpses of Logan every now and then while either on his way to work or on his way home. He eagerly honked his horn whenever they passed each other on the road, but Logan only waved back in the most awkward way. Kendall slowly started to realize that maybe he'd gotten his hopes up for nothing, and every night, he'd make himself accept the cold, hard truth.

_You're wasting your time, idiot. Get over it and move on._

Logan was proud of himself, though. He'd fought his childish urges to latch onto any nice guy with a cute smile, so now he could continue on the path he'd set for himself. Stay here in Autumn until grandma's pain ended, then go back to Dallas, where he'd get serious about finishing up his pre-med degree. There was absolutely no room for complications.

But, as he pushed his shopping cart down an aisle at the grocery store on Thursday, he could feel that things were going to get just the tiniest bit more complicated.

_Fuck...he's here_, he thought to himself. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kendall on the opposite end of the aisle. _Okay, whatever. I'll say "Hi," smile and nod, and then we'll both go on about our business._

"Hey, man," Kendall greeted masculinely when Logan got closer. He dropped a box of snack cakes into his cart and extended a hand for Logan to shake. He seemed cool and collected, but inside he was shaking like a leaf.

"Hey," Logan replied, trying to keep his frustration from becoming evident. He shook Kendall's hand, and its roughness shocked him. It felt so strong and hard in contrast to his own soft, warm hands.

"Doin' a lil shoppin'?" Kendall asked quickly. He was going to say whatever he had to say to make this conversation more than just a semi-friendly greeting.

"Uh...yeah," Logan answered. "We were starting to starve, so I figured I should probably stop by and pick up a few things."

Kendall nodded.

"Yep," Logan said, awkwardly glancing at the items on the shelf, none of which he had any interest in buying.

Just as he was about to use the tired "Let me let you get back to what you were doing" line that people used whenever they really wanted to cut and run, Kendall asked, "So...how are things goin'?"

"Uhh?"

"With your grandma, I mean," Kendall clarified. "Has there been any change or..."

"Uhh, well..."

"I am so sorry," Kendall said. "I don't quite know where my manners are. You don't have to answer that if it's too personal."

"No, no," Logan said, not wanting him to feel bad. "It's okay. She's...uh...well, there really hasn't been much change. Some days are good, some days are bad...it just is what it is. Thank you for asking."

Kendall nodded and looked down, his lips pressed together. He didn't want this to end, but he didn't want it to be so freaking awkward either. What else was there for the two of them to discuss, though?

"How's that tire?" he fired. _Good Lord, is that the best I can do? Keep cool, though.  
><em>

"It's fine," Logan answered. "No problems yet. Knock on wood."

There were nervous chuckles, but Kendall could feel this getting more and more uncomfortable. Once again, he had to accept the fact that this wasn't going to turn out the way he thought it could have, so he turned away in defeat. "Well, I guess I'll see you-"

"What is all of _this_ junk?" Logan suddenly asked, starting to paw through the items in Kendall's cart. It was box after box of processed garbage and sugary trash, not to mention several two-liters of soda.

"Uh...it's my food for the week," Kendall answered with a dopey smile. Okay, so maybe he wasn't the healthiest eater. He didn't have anyone living with him to show him any better.

"This...is not food," Logan pointed out rather condescendingly. "Is this really what you eat?" he asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I mean..."

Logan shook his head in awe of the "food." "And somehow you manage to stay in perfect shape," he said just loud enough for Kendall to hear him. _Oooooh, fuck. I should not have said that._ He kept looking through the cart like what he'd said was no big deal.

Kendall's face turned red, and he simpered. _Did he really just say that?_ "I work out."

Logan exhaled and tried to put his slip-of-the-tongue behind them. "I can't watch someone fill up on this trash," he continued in his crusade, still picking through Kendall's cart.

Kendall just watched, grin still on his face. He couldn't deny that this was kind of cute. "What are you, some kinda doctor or something?"

"No," Logan answered, "but I'll be one in a couple of years."

"Hmm..." Kendall nodded in understanding.

Logan knew it was totally against his better judgment to spend any more time with this guy, but the nutrition freak inside him wouldn't let it go. "Look," he began, feeling a big mistake coming on, "if you're not in a rush, how about we put all of this back, and I'll show you a better way of eating?"

Kendall's eyebrows stretched high into his forehead as he smirked in reply. "Well, you _are_ the fancy city doctor," he said smugly, doing a pretty good job of hiding the absolute giddiness that was brewing inside.

They put all of Kendall's prospective purchases back on their proper shelves. Once they had an empty cart, Logan launched into geek mode, pushing the cart around and filling it up with fruits, vegetables, raw poultry and fish, two cases of bottled water, and other "essentials." All the while, he kept himself from caring _too_ much about this guy by hiding behind nutrition and dietetics lectures.

"There are so many things you can do with a chicken breast," he said as he put a package of two in the cart. "People think eating healthy is all about having the same thing over and over again, but it doesn't have to be. Why, you can eat something completely different every single night without having to feel a drop of guilt!"

"I already do that," Kendall told him. "Mondays, I have fish sticks and French fries, then on Tuesdays I'll do the lil chicken wings that you put in the microwave, then on Wednesday, I like to get a little fancy and have a TV dinner. You know, the one with the lil brownie on the side."

Logan shook his head disapprovingly as Kendall laughed. "Your sense of humor is about as healthy as your diet."

They pushed their carts to the checkout area. There were several other customers milling around, mostly older ladies who were doing their own weekly shopping. Most of them had nice, friendly faces, and, for a second, Logan felt...good?

"So," Kendall began hesitantly, "you still itchin' to get outta this town?"

"Heh," Logan replied as he started to stack his items on the conveyor belt. "It's not so bad."

He paid for his groceries first, and then Kendall started with his. "My, my," the cashier said. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think something was wrong with you, Kendall Knight."

"Oh?" Kendall asked, noting Logan's teasing glare. "And what exactly is that supposed to mean?"

"Well, you don't normally buy anything that you can't just zap in the microwave for five minutes," she said, checking the last of his things and ringing up his total. "And you definitely don't buy anything green...except for maybe 7-Up."

"Eh," he shrugged, matching eyes with Logan. "There ain't nothin' wrong with tryin' somethin' new." Logan's breath got short at the sound of Kendall's country drawl making such a confident statement, and he looked out the storefront window as Kendall paid his total.

They rolled their carts out to the parking lot. Kendall was parked two aisles away from Logan, but the lot was empty enough for them to steal glances at each other as each packed their groceries away.

_He sure is a cute lil thing,_ Kendall kept thinking. He stealthily eyed Logan up through his side mirror. _And pretty and smart and nice._

Logan's side mirror was also getting good use. _Would it really be horrible to have a friend while I'm here?_ Logan asked his conscience. _I swear, I'll keep myself in check, and I won't even think about that smile anymore...or those eyes. Or those big, strong arms. Or that little butt._ He sighed and slammed the trunk down. _I'm too old for this schoolgirl shit._

He walked around the car, but just as he opened the door to get in, he sensed Kendall approaching him.

"Hey, I just wanted to say thanks," Kendall said when he got to the car.

"It's nothing," Logan replied. "Just looking out for your heart and other vital organs."

Kendall flashed that smile, and his green eyes twinkled. _Fuuuuck_, Logan thought.

"I gotta say, though," Kendall went on, "there's gonna be a bit of a problem when I get back home."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. It's nice to have all this healthy stuff, but...whose gonna cook it? As sure as you're standin' there, I don't think I've ever really cooked anything a day in my life."

Logan couldn't help but be amused. "It's chicken and fish. I promise, it's hard to screw it up. You can go online and find tons of recipes that are simple, easy, and quick."

"Oh," Kendall nodded. He was seemingly satisfied with that solution, but then, "There's gonna be a problem with that, too. I don't have internet at the house."

Logan was surprised, but then he wasn't. "Right," he said.

"Um, actually," Kendall attempted, "I was thinkin'...maybe you could come over, maybe show me a thing or two on how to do it."

The shorter, more sharply-dressed guy immediately withdrew into himself. He clung to the car door, and his eyes jetted all over the place. "Uh...I don't know...you know, with my grandmother and everything. That might not be such a good idea."

Kendall almost gave up, but he got a little push from nowhere and resolved to try harder. "Come on," he coaxed. "You got me real interested in all this healthy stuff, and I wanna do it right. Besides," he said, "you owe me, remember? You don't want word to get 'round that you don't pay off your debts, do you?"

"All right," Logan finally said. A part of him only gave in because he couldn't stand to be eye-to-eye with this ruggedly handsome man for another moment, but another part of him needed to see him again.

"Good," Kendall said victoriously.

"I swear I can't today, though," Logan said truthfully. "My parents are driving out to Palmerville as soon as I get home, and I'll need to stay with my grandma until they get back."

"What time are they gettin' back?" Kendall asked, only a little bit discouraged.

"I don't know...like six o'clock or so."

"All right, then," Kendall decided with a smile. "You can come over tonight at seven."

Logan was all set to launch another protest, but he didn't stand a chance. "All right. Sure. I'll see you then." He was sure to smile so that he didn't come across like an ass. Really, though, was it this guy's fault that he got stupid little crushes on every nice guy he met?

"You remember how to get to my place?"

"I think I can manage it," Logan replied, getting into his car before he completely lost control of himself. "You just be ready for some good eating. I'm already brainstorming some ideas."

"All right," Kendall said. "My mouth is all yours." _Wait._ "I mean...well, you know what I mean!"

"Haha...yeah," Logan stammered. _My whole body is yours if you want it, fucker._

"Seven o'clock," Kendall repeated once the engine started. "See you then."

"At seven."

Kendall started the extremely short trek back to his truck as Logan sped away. _He drives fast. He's probably trying to get away from me._ But nope, he wouldn't let himself think like that. He secured the bags in the back of the truck and got in behind the wheel. He creaked out of the parking lot with a big grin on his face. For the first time in a long time, he truly had something new and exciting to look forward to.


	3. House Call

**EXPRESSING MY LOVE**

**- 3 -**

**House Call**

Logan didn't even know why he was putting so much effort into his appearance, but there he was, standing in front of the mirror...making sure his hair was just right, making sure his skin was smooth, making sure his teeth sparkled, making sure he looked his absolute best. He'd put on a pair of dark blue skinnies that hugged his curvy, hourglass shape and a tight heather-grey shirt.

_I look like a prostitute._

He drug his comb through his hair one final time, and then he sprayed a few pumps of his most expensive cologne. He still didn't know why he was wasting such a gorgeous fragrance and sexy outfit on a straight country bumpkin who probably wouldn't even let him in the house the way he was dressed...but hell, if he was gonna do this, he might as well do it big.

"Oh my," Joanna Mitchell remarked, impressed, when her son joined her and her husband in the living room. Her eyes quickly went from his head to his toes, her face expressing overwhelming approval. "You look amazing!"

"Someone must have a hot date," Mr. Mitchell cracked. He and his wife were sifting through a large stack of paperwork in front of _Wheel of Fortune_. "You don't waste any time, huh?"

"Believe me, guys, it's...it's so not like that," Logan said. He would have been lying if he'd said that he didn't appreciate his parents' compliments, though. "I'm helping a friend with dinner, and that's it."

"Sure," Mrs. Mitchell patronized mid-sift. "What's this friend's name, sweetheart?"

"His name is Kendall."

"Uh-oh!" Mr. Mitchell childishly whooped. "It's a 'he!'"

Logan blushed and grabbed his keys from the mantelpiece. "I hate to burst your bubble, but...yeah, he's not gay."

"Who is he, then?" Mrs. Mitchell asked, finally taking a break from the pile of documents and sitting back on the couch. "And where did you meet, how old is he, where is taking you, and what time will you be back?"

"We met at a diner," Logan answered. He took the time to review his looks in his grandma's old-fashioned full-length mirror. "He paid for me 'cause I didn't have any cash. He's also the one who helped me with that tire, and he...well..." He faced them. "Like I said, he's not gay. Just very nice."

"And you like him," Mr. Mitchell stated. It wasn't a question, because he knew his son all too well.

"I don't even really know him all that well yet, Dad," Logan whined.

"Well then, how do you know he's not gay?" Mr. Mitchell asked, adopting a serious "dad" tone.

"Because," Logan said, punctuating his answer with a chuckle. "Look at this town. You grew up here. How many gay guys were there when you were my age?"

"That was a different time, though, son," his dad sighed. "Things have changed. Even in good ol' Autumn, Kansas."

"Well," Logan asserted, "that remains to be seen."

He started for the door. "Have a good time," his mom ordered, and his dad offered a similar wish.

* * *

><p><em>"You manage to stay in perfect shape." He said that. He totally said that shit. That's gotta mean somethin', right?<em>

Kendall dashed nervously around the trailer, making sure everything was neat and organized to his standards, which were admittedly not very high. He picked up socks from the middle of the living room floor, threw away old soda cans, and cleared about three weeks' worth of newspapers from the kitchen table.

His mobile home was like a relic from the past. The wallpaper was a burnt orange pattern from the 70s, the carpet was dull and lifeless, the furniture was faded and worn-out, the TV was a 13-inch set with an obsolete antenna sticking out of it. Kendall didn't have the time or the interest to really change anything. His life had gone through its biggest change just a year and a half earlier, so what would be the point in changing anything else?

_This is how Mama left it._

He, too, cared about making a good impression tonight, but his appearance didn't show it. He wore an old, comfortable pair of jeans and a non-distinct old T-shirt emblazoned with an Autumn High "Go Falcons!" logo. No, his careful planning and preparation was all internal.

_I better not say nothin' stupid. I better be cool and calm and collected. Like a damn cucumber. I need to be a damn cucumber._

Kendall didn't know if any of this would amount to anything, but he had plans. After his home was looking welcoming enough, he went into the cabinet next to the TV and pulled out a VHS tape. _What's Eating Gilbert Grape?_ starring Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio. It had been his and his mom's favorite movie, and he wanted to share it with his new friend after dinner.

With the tape sitting on top of the VCR and everything else in place, Kendall gave himself one last look over, but then there was an nonthreatening knock on the front door.

_He's here._

"Come in, come in," Kendall welcomed when he opened the door, but he practically froze in place when he got a gander at Logan's outfit. The shirt...Jesus, the shirt was just right. His little nipples were even poking out, and Kendall was more than okay with that. And the jeans...Kendall didn't know guys could be shaped like that, but he liked it...a lot.

"Uhhh...you look nice."

"Thank you," Logan replied. _Wait...did he just come on to me?_

Kendall very quickly regained his bearings and let Logan in. "Uh, make yourself at home," he offered, taking Logan's keys and hanging them on the hook next to his own.

"This is a...cozy place you've got here," Logan said, looking around at the interesting and quirky decor of the trailer. Not what he would have picked, but it was charming. "Very kitschy."

"Heh, yeah," Kendall said. He flipped a switch on the wall to turn the ceiling fan on. "What's that mean?"

"It's fun," Logan shortly explained.

"Oh...well. I've never thought of it as fun before, but I'll take your word for it."

Kendall couldn't just stand there and talk to him. Not the way he looked. His eyes would have been all over that body, and then his hands would have wanted to be, too. _A straight boy doesn't show his ass off like that_. He gathered up some paper clutter that was scattered across the counter that separated the kitchen from the living room.

"I was just doin' a lil cleanin' up," he commented under his breath. "I can't stand to see it get dirty."

"Oh, you don't have to do that on account of me," Logan said with a friendly voice, but he was somewhat flattered.

"I don't really get visitors, you see. Well, 'cept for some of my buddies from work. They come on Saturdays, but I swear, they'd all be happy in filth."

Logan sorta half-smiled as Kendall nervously balled up the perfectly harmless clutter, but then he noticed just how nervous this guy really was. "Well, you can, um...you can relax. I'm not too crazy about filth, but I don't really see anything that's filthy."

"All right, I'm done," Kendall said, throwing the last of the trash away. He faced Logan, and, for a hot second, there was this flash that shot through the both of them, like for a tiny split second, they were on the same word of the same sentence of the same page of the same book.

_He's too freaking cute_, Logan thought.

_He's so pretty_, Kendall thought.

But then they weren't so sure of each other anymore. Logan broke the awkward pause by making his way to the refrigerator, with Kendall hovering over his shoulder. "May I?" he asked with his hand on the handle.

"Be my guest," Kendall allowed.

"Okay." He opened the fridge and was pleasantly surprised to see all of his work from that morning still in tact. "Good. Nice to know you didn't dump it as soon as you got home."

"Heh."

"But anyway, I figured we'd do something simple and easy, just so you can remember it and do it yourself." He started to take out the necessary ingredients, handing them to Kendall, who put them on the counter. "You said something about liking chicken wings or some other crap this morning, right?"

"Chicken wings ain't crap. But yeah, I like 'em."

"Well," Logan said, "you're right. They're not completely crap. But there are better ways to eat chicken than with tons of flour and fat caked on it. And so, tonight, I'm gonna show you how to make baked chicken breasts, with a nice little salad to go with it."

"Hmm," Kendall thought once all of the components of the meal were out. "How about this. You have the salad, and I'll have the chicken."

Logan sneered at him. "You said you were serious about this."

"I am," Kendall said, immediately feeling like a fool for constantly making jokes. _Cucumber!_

After Logan briefly went over the principles of washing your hands thoroughly before handling raw food, he unwrapped the chicken breasts, washed them, and placed them in a casserole dish. Kendall listened and watched carefully as he sprinkled salt and pepper and cut little slices of butter over the chicken, all the while giving what seemed to be a biology lesson on how digestion works.

Finally, Logan put the dish into the oven and thoroughly washed his hands again with soap and water.

"And there you have it," Logan announced. "It'll cook for a little while, and when it's done, it'll be juicy and delicious and all of those good things." He looked up at Kendall, and for the first time, he realized that the other guy was slightly taller than him.

"Sounds good," Kendall said sincerely, which made Logan smile unwillingly. "So...we start on the salad now?"

"Oh, no, no," Logan said. "We want the chicken to be cooked and cooled before we do that. That way, it doesn't wilt the lettuce when we put it all together."

"Oh. So...what now?"

"We wait," Logan beamed. "Cooking good food means having tons of patience."

They checked on the chicken one last time before Kendall invited Logan to have a seat in the living room. He was quickly faced with a quick decision: sit on the couch with Logan, or sit on the recliner on the other side of the room? He went with his instincts and sat on the couch, though he made sure to leave enough comfortable space between the two of them.

"So..." Logan gulped, noticing how empty and quiet the house seemed. It suddenly dawned on him how, should something awful happen, no one would be close enough to hear his screams. "Your parents are out of town or something?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered. "Well...it's a long story."

"Oh. You don't have to get into it if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay. I'm good with tellin' it now. It's not really that long when you think about it. Just...I don't know. It's whatever."

Kendall sorta hung his head down as the memories came rushing back to him - there was a set group of specific memories that would always come back to him first, and they had the power to pretty much make him cry at the drop of a hat. But he kept it together.

Logan could sense that this was much more than his parents being "out of town." "You really don't owe me any explanations. I'm sorry for even bringing it up..."

"No!" Kendall insisted. He stared at the unused scented candle on the coffee table. "It's just that...my mama got real sick 'bout two years ago. Cancer. They got it just a lil bit too late, so...she didn't make it."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Logan said compassionately. He couldn't help but stare at Kendall's melancholy face as he tried to come to grips with sharing this intimate information.

"Thank you," Kendall said graciously, making a quick glance at Logan and getting himself together. "Well, my ol' man didn't want to take care of no kids on his own, so my lil sister got shipped away to my aunt and uncle in Nebraska. It was just me and him for a few months after Mama died, and then one day...he was gone, too."

Logan didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry" would never be enough. _Jesus Christ...I had no idea._ He thought back to the assumptions he'd made about Kendall's life - the "huntin'" and the "baby mama," etc. - and he felt like a complete jerk. Still, though, it was jarring to know so much about a person he'd only really talked to for a couple minutes at a time. Was this normal in small towns?

"I'm good now, though," Kendall suddenly said, obviously faking his cheerful demeanor. "I've been here on my own for eight months now, and I ain't heard from Daddy in six. I'd say I'm doin' pretty good for myself."

He looked Logan in the eye as a plea to show that he was truly fine now, and Logan gave him the satisfaction of believing him. "Yeah, except for your diet," he snickered under his breath.

"Hey! Hey! Remember, I still manage to stay in shape!"

_Oh God, he remembers that I said that._ "Well..."

"I work hard all day, and I stay active. I figure I can eat whatever the hell I want."

"Not if I can help it!"

There was a pleasant chorus of their laughter, and there it was again - that flash shooting through the both of them, as if they were both suddenly aware that this, whatever it was, was the _beginning_ of something...as if there was something just below the surface that would soon reveal itself.

"So, where do you work?" Logan asked. "It must be a pretty demanding job if you're able to support yourself."

"I get help from a few friends," Kendall told him. "Some of my mama's old friends check on me to make sure everything's okay. But I work at the mill."

"Mill?"

"Yeah, the Autumn Wheat Factory. It's about two miles outside of town. I work about ten hours a day, four days a week."

"That's a forty-hour week!" Logan exclaimed, astonished.

"Yeah, that's pretty normal," Kendall nodded as if it was no big deal.

"But you're like...you're my age! You're no older than twenty-one or twenty-two, and you work a full time job at a factory."

Kendall just shrugged his shoulders. "I gotta do what I gotta do. Other people can only help me so much."

This sobered Logan a little bit, and it hit him just how fast this guy probably had to grow up in the last few years.

"So, umm..." Kendall fiddled with the curtains on the window behind them. "What about you? What's your life story?"

"Hmm," Logan pondered. "Mine is pretty boring, to be honest. My dad's from here, but he left to go to college in Dallas. He met my mom, they got married, had me, and here we are."

"No brothers or sisters?"

"Nope. I'm Team Only Child."

"You're what?"

"Team Only Child...you know...you put 'team' in front of something... It's an internet thing."

"Oh," Kendall said. He quietly accepted that he had absolutely no idea what Logan was talking about. "So, it's just you?"

"Yep. I don't mind it one bit, either. Sometimes I used to get lonely, but now I'm more than okay with being an only child. I like the privacy, I like the peace and quiet. And my parents can afford to help me pay for college, too."

"Oh, that's right! You said somethin' 'bout plannin' to be a doctor."

"Yep. I got two more years to go before I get my degree in biology, and then I'll be ready for the real deal - med school."

"That's great," Kendall congratulated. "I wish I had a future like that."

"It's actually part of the reason why I'm ready to go back to Dallas," Logan explained, seemingly ignoring the last little piece Kendall said. "I can get back and get started on finishing up this first degree."

"Yeah," Kendall nodded. "You probably got a lotta friends you're wantin' to see, too."

"Eh..." Logan blushed. "Friends don't really mean much nowadays, it seems..." _Friends like to fuck around too much. Especially with your boyfriend. Especially behind your back._

Kendall could feel his next question coming naturally, but he hesitated to even ask. This would make or beak any fantasies he had of this cute, good-looking, nice-dressing, smart, cultured gentleman ever thinking of him in a warm way. _What could I possibly offer him, anyway? His life is all set._

"A guy like you...you must have somebody special waitin' for you...huh?"

Logan's forehead got hot all of a sudden. _A guy like me? What does he mean by that?_ He struggled to come up with a good answer to Kendall's question. "No," he said, and it was the god honest truth. "No one's waiting for me."

There was a lull in the conversation. No flashes being shot anywhere, but just a quiet moment where both reflected on the direction Kendall had steered their conversation in.

Logan wondered...should he go there? Should he honestly go there? "There _was_ someone," he said, "but that's pretty much over with."

"Oh?"

"Yeah...it's a long story, too, and unfortunately, I'm not as brave as you in telling long stories." Should he really, really go there? Did he trust this guy, still a perfect stranger, enough to be completely honest? Did he even owe this guy honesty? He decided he didn't. "To sum it up, I wanted something...and I thought _she_ wanted it, too. But she said she was confused...and so I ended it."

"Good for you," Kendall said, though it kinda stung to hear that dreaded pronoun "_she_" so much. _Well, that's the end of that._

"Yeah. It was hard at first, but sometimes you just have to accept that not everything's meant to work out, right?"

"Yeah," Kendall agreed. "Absolutely." _Like this?_

"I mean, I still have her number in my phone," Logan admitted, "and I still have 'my love' in parenthesis behind hi-her name. You know, it's one of those little things that you think means absolutely nothing, but it turns out it means everything." He tried to keep himself in check, though, because even though he felt he'd successfully played this "_she_" charade, he didn't want to get too soft or too mushy or too "gay."

"I know the feeling," Kendall said, but the only feeling he felt now was failure...defeat. "I've had my fair share of girls who broke my heart. And the other way around." He flashed an impish grin.

"Ha..." Logan let trail.

An awkward silence fell upon the two of them, but it was accompanied by yet another flash, only this one wasn't as much of a flash as much as it was a long, painful realization. Logan still had "her" number in his phone. Kendall had had his fair share of "girls." Both silently thought, _I guess we'll just be friends, then._

"This is weird," Kendall commented. "I ain't had a conversation this deep with anybody in a long time."

Logan kinda scoffed. _This is deep?_ "I thought you said you have some friends from work?"

"Yeah, but those guys...ha, to them, talkin' 'bout who they're sleepin' with is deep. They think tryin' to figure out how to make their own beer is deep! We don't really talk about...you know, feelin's and stuff like that."

They both laughed, and Logan could see that there was something different about Kendall that could set him apart from the humdrum town around him. _He's sweet. Straight, but sweet. He'll help make the summer go by._

"Well," Logan said, "if you ever want to talk about something deep, I'm game. If I couldn't be a surgeon, I'd settle for being a psychologist."

"Still a doctor," Kendall laughed._  
><em>

Soon, the chicken was done, and the aroma enveloped the room. "Shit, that smells good!" Kendall called out when Logan opened the oven. He bit his lip, though, disappointed with himself for sounding like such an unsophisticated hick.

"Better than 'Good, that smells like shit!'" Logan called back, and Kendall forgave himself just a little.

They set the chicken on the stove to cool, and Logan instinctively washed his hands again, but the sound of the faucet instigated a rumble in his bladder. "Hey, where the bathroom?" he asked. "I've been drinking Arnold Palmers with my grandmother all day, and I guess it's finally catching up with me."

"It's gonna be down the hall at the end, last door on your left."

While Logan went to relieve himself, Kendall admired the chicken. There was something special about it...the fact that they'd made it together. Sure, he'd only watched, but Logan had made it for him, and that was enough to make it special. An idea popped into his head - he knew how to throw together a salad. He'd have it started and surprise Logan with it when he came back from the bathroom.

He went to the fridge and got out all of the usual salad components. Lettuce, cucumber, tomato, eggs for boiling, etc. Just as he was about to hack off a good chunk of lettuce, though, a vibration on the kitchen table scared him shitless. It was Logan's phone, left there earlier, but Kendall was so used to being alone that he automatically went to grab it, thinking it was his.

**New Text Message  
><strong>_from_ Ethan (my love)  
>"please call me baby i miss u"<p>

_Oh, it's his phone, not mine_, Kendall thought first, and he put the phone down, but when he went back to the lettuce, he narrowed his eyes like he'd just discovered a long-held secret.

_"My love?" But...I don't know any girls named Ethan!_

He was about to go back and look at it again, but he heard the bathroom door close and Logan's footsteps coming through the hall. Instead, he just played it as it went. He started chopping the lettuce, trying to digest the fact that Logan had lied to him - "she" was really a "he." _This means he goes the other way after all, right? _But he was too confused and blindsided to say anything about it.

"You definitely keep the bathroom clean," Logan said as he dried his hands with a paper towel. "It's spotless!"

"Yeah," Kendall said, his back to his guest. _Wow_, he kept thinking.

"Oh wow," he could hear Logan say, "I didn't realize I got a text."

"You did?" Kendall asked, bravely looking over his shoulder. "I didn't hear it."

"It's on vibrate," Logan said quietly as he read the contents of the message. His whole mood changed instantly, and Kendall could sense it. "Uh...yeah...it's actually from my parents."

Kendall's heart sank as his hand almost got too weak to hold the knife.

"Is it?" he asked in a deep voice, trying to sound like a man who wasn't bothered.

"Yeah...uh...they need me to help with grandma. They don't really know a lot about her medicines like I do, so...yeah..."

"Well, um..." Kendall said, very slowly and meticulously cutting the lettuce. "If you need to go, you should go." He never turned back to face Logan.

Logan looked up at his back, and he could almost tell that Kendall knew he was bullshitting, but how could he? Wouldn't he say something he knew the truth? "I...yeah...I think that might be the best thing for me to do."

_He's probably got some trashy girl on speed dial anyway. He'll be fine._

"The chicken's done, just let it cool. You look like you already know what you're doing with the salad, so...that's that. I guess you can take my part of it and save it for another day or something. Just make sure you put it in an air-tight container." He was tossing all of these words out, but there were really meaningless.

"Sure thing," Kendall said, not wanting to be a burden. "You better get goin' before somethin' happens."

"Yeah..."

But Logan didn't leave immediately. He just stood there and watched Kendall chop...waiting, he guessed, for Kendall to turn around and give him a proper goodbye, but it never came.

"See ya," Logan offered as some kind of consolation prize.

He grabbed his keys from the hook and went out the front door, leaving Kendall to chop...chop...chop.

Outside, Logan looked at the text message again. _Nice to hear from you after three months._ But he wasn't mad...on the contrary, he was excited. He went down his contact list and chose "Ethan (my love)" to call. _You're gonna have to do a lot of apologizing if you think you're gonna get me back, Ethan Collier. But you might get lucky.  
><em>

As he got into his car and waited for Ethan to pick up, a pang of guilt pricked him. _Okay, why am I leaving? Why did I lie to this guy and leave? I never truly thought it'd be anything more than just a friendship, so why am I ditching him now?_ He looked at the kitchen window, and he once again found comfort in the strong belief that Kendall was some kind of incognito playboy who was already inviting some random girl over. _He will be fine!_

Ethan didn't answer, so Logan left a voicemail. "Hey, Ethan...it's Logan. I'm just calling to say I got your message. Uh...you know I prefer to talk rather than text, so call me when you can? I, um...I miss you. So talk to you soon. Bye."

He hung up the phone and backed out of the driveway. Once he was on the road and ready to speed away, he looked one more time at Kendall's lonely trailer. _Well, he probably won't be too lonely for long._ But then...one-by-one, every light in the trailer that was visible from the road was being turned off...until the home was engulfed in complete darkness. Logan pretended he didn't see this as he drove away into the setting sun.

* * *

><p><strong>NOTE:<strong> Poor Kendall, right? Before anything can even start, his poor little heart is broken. But how easy will it be for him to walk away from what seems to be a once in a lifetime opportunity? And Logan...sometimes the sure thing isn't the best thing.


	4. Lindsey

**NOTE: **Whew. I won't waste your time with a paragraph on why this took so long. Just know that I have written seven versions of this chapter in the last month, and NONE of them were to my liking, so I just kept going. Writer's block is a bitch, and I'm still not completely happy with the way this turned out, but I hope you guys like it! As always, thanks for all of your support! Love you all!

* * *

><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 4 -**

**Lindsey**

The sound of his ex-boyfriend's voicemail was enough to make Logan vomit all on its own.

"Hey, what's up, babe? Sorry, but you don't get the extreme pleasure of talking with _the_ Ethan Collier right now. I know, it's a sad feeling. But look, why don't you leave me a message, and if you're a really good girl, I'll make your day and give your bell a ring later. Ciao, baby."

Having to hear that shit eight times in one day was enough to make him cut his ears off. Eight times. Yep, he'd tried calling Ethan back eight times since the night before. He'd sent ten text messages, too, each one getting more impatient than the one before it. And after all of these attempts at contacting the first, and only, person he'd ever been in a relationship with, he had nothing to show for it. Absolutely nothing. Ethan had never answered the calls or replied to the texts, and now Logan was feeling like a complete and total fool.

_No more_, he vowed to himself as he hung up the phone and put it on the coffee table. _No more chances for him...no more BS for me._

He sank into the sofa in his grandmother's living room. It was Friday afternoon, and he was feeling sorry for himself. He looked out the window, where a grey sky did nothing to help his mood. Would he ever get through this summer? He was stuck in Nowheresville, where nothing was familiar and very few things were welcoming. He had to keep watch over a dying grandmother that he barely knew. Apparently, there was no cable. And now, he was being played like a fiddle by an ex who was hundreds of miles away.

"What's wrong with you?" his mom asked when she came down the hall from her sickly mother-in-law's room. She and Mr. Mitchell had decided to spend the day at her bedside.

Logan just shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it, especially not with her. His parents had warned him about Ethan from day one, and the last thing he needed was another "We told you so" lecture.

"Nothing's wrong," he said quietly as he rose to his feet. "I'm just a little bored." He yawned and stretched, soliciting a puzzled look from his mom.

"Didn't you bring along a ton of your medical journals?" she asked. "I figured you'd spend half the summer with your nose buried in those."

Logan eyed the stack of journals on the floor by the TV. He'd read eight of the ten, cover-to-cover, and for the first time in his life, he was utterly tired of looking at them. "I read them all," he effortlessly fibbed.

"Well," Mrs. Mitchell said, "there are plenty of other things for you to do. Why don't you get out and see the sights?"

Logan sauntered over to the screen door. In the weeks he'd been in Autumn, he hadn't found a whole lot of points of interest for himself. There was no museum, and the library was only useful for those who really, really needed fifty years' worth of Autumn public records. He had to admit that he was mildly interested in exploring the town's plant life, but as he looked out across the empty road, all he saw was wheat. Acre upon acre of wheat. "All right. The sights have been seen. Now what?"

Mrs. Mitchell sighed as she sat on the sofa and started looking through the papers that had been left there since the night before. She couldn't help but feel as though it had been a mistake for her and her husband to raise their son in Dallas. He was too used to the hypnotic pace of the city to fully appreciate the tranquility of a town like Autumn. "Why don't you go for a drive?"

"To where?"

"Nowhere!" she said matter-of-factly. "Just get in your car and go! Feel the breeze, explore uncharted territory!"

"And risk being stranded on the side of the road again? No thanks." He perched on the screen door, watching as a little barefoot boy walked down the street with a mangy dog. It was the most exciting thing he'd seen all day.

Mrs. Mitchell regarded him with sympathetic eyes, and she sifted through the papers, trying to make sense of something she and Logan's dad had been having problems with. It seemed like something was missing from the records...as if there was some secret stash of money that wasn't accounted for, and therefore, could have been anywhere. They'd been wracking their brains trying to figure it out.

"Wait a minute!" she recalled. "Didn't you just go to a new friend's house last night? Why don't you see what he's up to?"

Logan sighed and pressed his lips together. "I told you already. He's straight."

She rolled her eyes. "So what, Logan? Not every boy you meet has to be the next great love of your life, you know," she wisely advised. "Maybe it's exactly what you need, actually, after all the mess with that Ethan kid."

_Ugh._

"A male friend with whom you're not romantically involved," she continued. "That way, there aren't any feelings to get in the way of anything."

Logan pondered, letting her words sink in and blend together with what he'd been thinking about for the better part of the day. He kept going back to what he'd seen in the corner of his eye as he drove away from Kendall's home. The darkness. Everywhere. It had come quickly and completely, and with it, Logan had known that Kendall wouldn't be spending the night with some dime-a-dozen, good-time-havin', small-town blonde after all. He felt really, really shitty for just leaving, and the more he'd thought about it throughout the day, the guiltier he felt. Here was a guy who'd gone out of his way to make him feel welcomed, and Logan had ditched him for someone who'd always done more harm than good. Kendall was sweet, and he was cute...and like Mrs. Mitchell said, so what if he was straight? Logan was smart enough to not let himself _fall_ for a boy he now knew for a fact was straight, right?

_Yes, yes I am. He's cute, and that's it. I can deal with that._

"He's probably busy," he shrugged, but he turned and looked at his keys on the end table. Lord knows he needed a friend, especially now.

"Well, I don't know what other options you have," his mother replied, closely concentrating on a document and slowly checking out of the conversation, but Logan was already picking up his keys and headed for the door. He wouldn't dare give her the satisfaction of knowing she'd solved his problem, but once he was gone, she looked up from her work and smiled, content with the fact that mother's intuition had saved the day.

**End of Part One**

**Part Two**

It was always very easy for Kendall to down himself. Whenever something in his life went wrong, he'd always take the blame. He'd done something stupid...or said the wrong thing...or made the wrong decision. Most of the people he'd ever really cared about had left him, and it was all his fault. It was like there was something in him that made people want to stay away. He didn't know what it was, but he knew for sure that it was there.

He slowly drove along the backroads of his hometown. There'd been some kind of chemical accident at the mill, so about half of the workers were sent home with pay to get a jump on their weekend. While most of Kendall's wheat factory brethren were planning to fire up the barbecue or crack open that first can of beer, Kendall's plans weren't as exciting. All he had was a lonely, empty trailer...and his own sad thoughts.

_I had him in my house. And he was talkin' to me, and he was bein' sweet to me...and then he ran away from me. I mess up everything._

Logan had been a chance for something new and different, a chance for him to see if the "wild feelings" he'd been having for other boys since junior high were real, but the chance was gone. And if history had taught Kendall one thing, it was that once someone ran away from you, they never came back.

But as he rounded the last curve on the way home, he could see a familiar car parked in his driveway. _Wait...is that him?_ He sat up in his seat as he got closer, and yes, Logan was standing right there beside his Mustang, almost ready to leave. Kendall pressed down a little harder on the accelerator, but he resolved to keep himself calm. _Okay, don't mess up...don't mess up...don't mess it up again..._

He pulled into the driveway and brought the Chevy truck to a loud and eager hault before shutting off the engine. As he climbed out and walked around the truck, Logan watched from the passenger side, subconsciously giving Kendall a good looking over. He wore the blue pants and striped blue shirt that were universal symbols for "manual labor," and a strange tingle went through Logan's body - did he really find the whole thing extremely attractive? _No, I do not. It's not attractive in the least._

"Hey," Kendall greeted with false nonchalance and a serious face as he offered his hand.

"Hi," Logan replied. The hard-soft meeting of their skin gave them both a slight stir, and their eyes locked on each other, and there it was again - the flash. "I feel so stupid," Logan quickly let out before the flash could turn into a spark. He pulled his hand back. "I should have known you'd be busy today. You work forty hours a week, for crying out loud!"

"Oh, I'm not busy," Kendall informed, fearful that Logan might leave again. "I actually just got off from work, so I'm free for the rest of the day." He casually leaned back against the truck and stretched an untanned arm along the side of the bed, revealing little blond hairs. "So uh...what brings you over?" he asked smoothly, but inside, it was all he could do to not stutter.

Logan gulped as he glanced at the arm. _Sexy._ "I was just wondering if...you might have had some leftovers from last night," he said, but as he found it harder and harder to not look at Kendall in _that_ way, he retreated. "But you're probably very tired from working so much, so I'll just come back another time."

"No!" Kendall urged, almost physically stopping Logan from pulling on the door handle. _Relax._ "I mean...no. I'm not busy, and I'm not tired. And...uh...I _do_ have leftovers." He smiled to show his sincerity, hoping it would make Logan stay.

"Are you sure?" Logan asked, discovering that it was impossible to run out on that smile. He could lie to Kendall's back the night before with no problem, but to his face now? It couldn't be done.

"Yes!" Kendall answered, the urgency coming back a little. "I promise."

And then Logan smiled back, and he knew he had to stay. "Okay."

"Good. Follow me."

Kendall led Logan up onto the front porch. His growing anxiety made his hands shake, and he almost dropped the keys as he tried to unlock the door. "Sometimes it's a little tricky," he played it off, but Logan wasn't too blind to not see that he was doing the nerve dance underneath all of his husky bravado.

Once they stepped inside, Logan looked around and the trailer seemed like a new place. It was exactly the way it had been the night before, but it looked different in the daylight. There was a certain type of warmth, and it really felt like a home.

"So...is it still fun?" Kendall asked when he noticed Logan's reaction. "What was that word you used...kitcheny?"

Logan chuckled. "Kitschy. But that's close enough."

Kendall blushed a little then went into the kitchen area to reheat the completely untouched chicken breasts from the night before. Meanwhile, Logan awkwardly stalked around the living room, trying to convince himself that he was in control of his attractions and that the tiny crush he'd had on Kendall wasn't still growing. His eye was caught by the framed photographs that hung on the wall. Some of them were older than others - once he saw feathered hair and bell-bottoms, he knew those pictures went _way_ back - but others were fairly new. One of the somewhat older photos featured what had to be a young Kendall, maybe six or seven years old, donned in full clown makeup, complete with big red nose. He was being held by a woman with a big smile, and Logan knew right away that it had to have been his mother. He looked at Kendall, who was busy in the kitchen, and it amused him to see that this masculine, blue-collar guy that he currently knew was once as playful as he had been in the picture. The reminder that Kendall no longer had his mother, though, sent a chill up Logan's spine.

Next to the clown picture was Kendall's graduation portrait. It was a stunning head shot of the boy dressed in a tuxedo, with his skin unblemished, his hair perfectly combed, and his expression serious and distinguished. Logan found himself staring harder at the picture and longer than he'd wanted to, for Kendall was soon behind him.

"Seems like a lifetime ago," Kendall commented quietly. "But it's only been two years."

Logan nodded, remembering what he'd learned about the trials Kendall had endured since taking that picture.

They sat in the living room and ate silently. Kendall chose to sit in the recliner (_If I'm too close, he's gonna get scared and run again_), but the whole time they ate, Logan kept taking quick looks at him from across the room. Kendall ate with his head down, and Logan could see that something was different about him today. _He's sad because he lives here all alone and I ditched him last night. Duh._ But Logan wanted to make up for that, and he was going to.

"So...what exactly do you do at the Autumn Wheat Factory?" he asked, hoping to perk Kendall's mood up a little.

"Uh...well," Kendall began. He didn't want to just tell the truth, that he swept and mopped and kept the factory clean while the real men did the real work, but he didn't want to lie, either. "I maintain the facility," he decided on. "I make sure everything's the way it's supposed to be."

"Wait...you're a supervisor?"

"No!" Kendall denied, laughing at the notion of him supervising anyone. "To be completely honest, I'm basically a janitor. They're startin' to show me how to do some of the other stuff, but for now, I just clean."

"Oh, okay," Logan replied. He couldn't really relate to the concept, but he smiled, satisfied that he'd gotten Kendall to loosen up a bit.

"Where do you work?" Kendall asked, but he quickly thought it stupid of him to do so. _Pretty boys like him don't work._

"Nowhere now," Logan answered. "Usually, I work at this science camp in the summer, but...well, as you can see, I'm not doing that this year."

Kendall nodded. "You're real smart, ain't you?" he asked, almost as if he was accusing Logan of some kind of crime.

"Well," Logan pussyfooted, not wanting to be arrogant. "I'm good with numbers," he said. "...and chemical equations, I guess. And historical facts, too...uh...literature, as well."

"Just 'fess up and say you're a nerd!" Kendall tittered.

"I am _not_ a nerd!" Logan playfully refuted. "I'm just...I'm intellectually well-developed, okay? And I have very sensitive feelings!"

They broke into laughter, and Kendall could finally feel himself settling into his own skin and feeling comfortable again. Logan secretly adored the sight of Kendall's bright smile and the sound of his laugh, but he quickly reminded himself that this was _just a friend_.

"No, seriously," he said, "I think everyone has the ability to be 'smart,' whatever 'smart' is. It's all about who you are and what you're doing."

"Yeah, well, I think you might be sittin' with the only exception to that," Kendall cracked.

"I don't believe that," Logan disagreed, shaking his head.

"It's true!" Kendall insisted. "I mean...I push a mop and a broom around all day...I don't know anything 'bout anything outside of this stupid town."

"That's nonsense! You're what, twenty years old? Twenty-one? You live on your own. You have your own truck, your own home, and you're taking care of yourself. It takes a very smart person to be able to do all of those things."

"I guess."

The discussion came to a standstill, punctuated only by the sounds of them both chewing on their last pieces of chicken. Kendall had completely forgotten about the salad, and it seemed like Logan had, too.

"Besides," Logan found himself adding, though he wasn't sure why, "you were able to take that handsome graduation picture up there, so you must have done something right." _'Handsome' is okay, right? I can say 'handsome' without getting into trouble right? I didn't say 'gorgeous,' though that would have been more accurate..._

"Yeah," Kendall conceded. _He says I'm handsome._ "It's not hard to graduate from Autumn High, though." _Handsome._

Kendall took their empty plates and tossed them then washed his hands at the sink, something he figured Logan would appreciate. Logan rose behind him, wrestling with himself over whether or not he should leave now. He didn't _want_ to leave, but he knew if he hung around, he'd just be digging himself a deeper hole

"You probably had plans for this afternoon," he began, standing at the counter as Kendall dried his hands. "I came over and kind of cut into them."

"No, you didn't," Kendall shook his head, letting his eyes meet Logan's. "I'm glad you came back. Honest."

Logan accepted this rebuttal, and he silently made the decision to just stay for the time being.

"I wasn't gonna be doin' anything real big anyway," Kendall continued. "Probably just play guitar...drink a few beers."

"Oh. Wait...beers?"

"Yeah." _I probably shouldn't have told him that._

Logan's eyes went wide. "Do you have _any_ idea what beer does to your insides? I mean, your liver, your stomach...never mind the effects it has on your breath and teeth!"

"I only drink one every now and then!" Kendall promised, amused by how adamant Logan was.

"Yeah, well, that's one every now and then too many, okay? I'm doing all of your shopping from now on."

They laughed again, and yep, another flash hit them both. Logan was so beside himself, but the more his mind told him to chill out, the more his heart told him to keep it up. "So, you play guitar?" he asked once their chuckles calmed down.

"Yep," Kendall replied. He started to aimlessly clean the kitchen counter. "But I don't play for nobody, so don't even ask."

"I think I can make you play," Logan teased.

"How?"

"Oh, by just standing here...and asking...please play a song for me?"

Kendall put down the dish rag he'd been cleaning with and looked back at Logan. He waited for the flash to return, and when it did, he gave up. _He's too darn cute, like a lil puppy. _"All right. I hate you, but all right."

Logan went back to his seat on the couch while Kendall went into his room to get his guitar. While he was opening the case, he could feel his hands shaking again. Was this going well? There was no time for questions, though.

"All right," he said when he returned. "Don't laugh at me if I'm a lil rusty." Without making a big deal about it, he sat on the couch next to Logan, this time not particularly leaving too much space between the two of them. Logan didn't scoot away, either.

"I promise I won't laugh," Logan vowed, though he girlishly giggled a little out of nervousness. "Go ahead."

"All right," Kendall said again, trying to brace himself. _Please like this_. And he began to play. The rhythm was dark and slow, very depressing-sounding, but it was the only song he'd been practicing lately, and so he sang...

"My life is likened to a bargain store,  
>And I may have just what you're looking for<br>If you don't mind the fact that all the merchandise is used,  
>But with a little mending it could be as good as new."<p>

"Take, for instance, this old broken heart.  
>If you would just replace the missing parts,<br>You would be surprised to find how good it really is.  
>Take it and you never will be sorry that you did."<p>

"The bargain store is open; come inside.  
>You can easily afford the price.<br>Love is all you need to purchase all the merchandise,  
>And I can guarantee you'll be completely satisfied."<p>

Soon after Kendall had started to sing, Logan's whimsical mood had quickly turned into a more somber one...one that was much more ruminative and reflective. He had not expected Kendall's voice to be so crisp and clear...his intonation was spot-on. His words were filled with a conviction that couldn't be faked. The sadness behind each lyric pierced him, and each phrase melted him down until he was just a soft weakling sitting next to a cute green-eyed boy with a guitar.

"That was...beautiful." He gulped on the last word as Kendall slowly strummed the rhythm into silence.

"Thank you," Kendall responded, his heart beating out of his chest and his head held low. _Now he's gonna do it...he's gonna get up and leave...I shouldn't have played that song..._

"Did you write it yourself?" Logan asked with a shaky voice.

"No," Kendall answered. "It was...uh...it was one of my mama's favorite songs."

"It's beautiful," Logan repeated.

Kendall's breath was getting short, and he knew he had to do something, but what? Turn to this guy was still very much a stranger - though that seemed to be changing - and tell him that he knew the truth? Or just sit there, waiting for the stranger to make the first move? Unsure of what to do and still so terrified of Logan leaving him again, he got up and went back to the recliner, taking his guitar with him and sitting down.

But, of course, Logan didn't want him to move. _Why shouldn't he move? Yes, he's lonely and sad, but he doesn't want some heartbroken gay boy to be his only friend this summer._

"I'm sorry," Kendall suddenly said, slowly chipping through the silence. "I know you don't want to hear about that."

"Hear about what?" Logan asked, trying to extinguish any stupid flashes before they came back.

"Me...and my depressin' life," Kendall answered hauntingly. "I know that's why you left last night."

"No," Logan disclaimed. "I left because of my own desperate stupidity. It had nothing to do with you."

Kendall looked up at him, and Logan realized he'd made a mistake. What he'd just said didn't line up at all with the excuse he'd used the night before to leave, and he knew Kendall was smart enough to catch it.

"Look...I'm sorry, okay?" he said, prepared to be called a liar and a loser. "I lied to you last night. I didn't get a message from my parents, and my grandmother was fine."

Kendall didn't say anything. He knew all of this already. He just wanted to know how truthful Logan was going to be.

"That message was from my ex, the one I told you about last night," Logan continued. "_She_ texted me, and...well...I told you already. I'm not completely over her, and...well...yeah."

_'She_,_'_ Kendall thought. _He's still saying 'she.'_

"I understand," he forgave. "It's all right." Maybe he was wrong. Maybe Logan didn't go the other way like him. Maybe he'd been wrong all along...maybe this stranger in his living room was just another girl-chasing guy, like the ones he worked with and had gone to school with. Maybe he'd never had a chance at anything at all. Maybe his life was indeed cursed. That "Ethan" he'd seen on Logan's phone could have easily been "Emily" or "Ellen." He didn't really get a good look at it.

"It's not all right," Logan said. "I lied, and I'm sorry. I mean, to be honest, she constantly plays me like a fool anyway, so I don't know why I got my hopes up so high last night." _But he doesn't matter anymore._ "The point is, though, that I didn't leave because of anything you did or said. I was having a really good time with you last night, Kendall, and...well, I'm having a good time today, too."

A flash.

"Good," Kendall said, but he still didn't completely believe that he hadn't been at least part of the reason why Logan had left. He wasn't stupid, though, and he was even smarter than Logan had given him credit for. He cleared his throat. "What did you say her name was again? Your ex, I mean."

"Oh?" Logan hadn't counted on that question. What did it matter, anyway? "Uh...Lindsey." The name of his former best friend. "Her name is Lindsey."

_Right_, Kendall thought._ Not Ellen. Not Emily. Nothing that starts with an E.  
><em>

"That's a pretty name," Kendall said, feeling something burgeoning within him. Was it anger? Was he mad that Logan was still lying to him? Or was it excitement?

"Yeah," Logan nodded, feeling gross for lying, but he was still afraid to tell the truth.

"You know...you can forget about her," Kendall said. "If you try, I mean. You might be able to find somebody who can take your mind off her."

"Heh," Logan let out, feeling grosser. "We'll see, whenever I get back to Dallas."

"Why do you have to wait until then?" Kendall asked, a small fire fueling his every word. He was going to make Logan admit the truth. "You don't think you can find somebody here in Autumn?"

Logan shook his head. "I don't think so. I don't think I'll find my type of girl here."

"Maybe you already found your type of person here."

And then the thought flew through Logan's mind. _Does he know?_ "What do you mean?"

"I mean...Autumn is full of surprises. Maybe you already met the person who's gonna take your mind off that other person. Maybe that person's just scared to say somethin' because h-she doesn't know what you're gonna say."

Logan looked Kendall in the eye, and his suspicion got stronger. _Is he...talking about himself? Or am I losing my mind?_

"Maybe that person should just say something," he replied. "I mean, it's really hard to tell a girl like Lindsey just from the way she looks. You have to really know her to figure out if she's...you know..."

"Special?"

"Yeah. Special."

"Maybe you should just give that somebody some time, then. And maybe they'll say something when the time is right."

"I hope so."

Logan was confused as to where this sudden interest in his love life had come from. It was as if Kendall was taunting him, trying to force himself to admit to being a big ol' queer. But on the other hand...was Kendall trying to tell him something?

Just as he was about to ask, though, his phone rang.

"Hi, Mom," Logan answered. Kendall gently put his guitar down to the ground beside the recliner. As Logan talked to his mother, though, he thought long and hard about what his next move would be. He was so, so ready to just come right out and say it, that he knew exactly what type of guy Logan was and that he was the same type of guy. But was it too soon for that? What would happen afterwards? He wanted to play this just right.

"I have to...uh...go," Logan said as he slowly hung up his phone and put it down. "They're having trouble figuring something out, so I just said I'll go and...figure it out for them. I swear, it's the truth this time."

"I believe you," Kendall said as they both rose and went for the door. He tried to come up with something to say that would ensure another meeting between the two of them, but he didn't know where to begin, but then...

"Hey," Logan began just as he stepped over the threshold. "Are you gonna be busy tomorrow?"

"No, it's Saturday. Why?"

"I don't know...I was thinking that maybe I can come over and show you something new. To cook, I mean. If you're into that sort of thing."

The corners of Kendall's mouth turned up as the final flash of the day very slowly passed through the two of them. "Yeah, I'm into that sort of thing. Come over whenever you feel like it, and I swear I'll be ready for whatever you want to show me."

Logan tentatively smiled back. "All right. I'll think of something tonight and come over tomorrow. See you then."

"See ya."

Kendall stood in the doorway and watched as Logan made his way down the porch steps and back to his car. They waved before he got in and drove away.

_What the fuck am I doing?_ Logan asked himself as he drove. _He's straight. Isn't he? He never said he was, though. I only assumed. But he _has_ to be. He has a very sick sense of humor if he is.  
><em>

Kendall, meanwhile, couldn't stop beaming after closing the front door. He almost would have let out a big "Yee-haw" if he didn't think that would be overdoing it. He picked his guitar up off the floor and began to bang out a fast, rowdy rhythm. For once, he'd gotten a second chance to show someone what he really felt, and he swore on his life that he wasn't gonna mess this up.

* * *

><p>Kendall is a mess when he's lacking confidence, but when he's on his A game? When he knows he can get the prize he's after? Nothing can stop him.<p> 


	5. Saturday Night

**A/N: **Another long wait, I know... Nevertheless, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! It was another extremely hard one to write (early chapters always are, though), and of course, I'm still a little iffy on parts of it, but I didn't want to keep you waiting much longer. Thanks for all of your support! Please don't hesitate to share any kind of feedback in the comments section! I'm always looking for some fresh perspectives of my stories, so thanks in advance!

* * *

><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 5 -**

**Saturday Night**

"Hey, it's Kendall. No, no poker today. Because I said so, that's why! Stay away from my place today, or I'll kick your ass."

"Hey, what's up. Nothing, I'm good. Just feelin' a lil sick is all. Yeah...I'm callin' everybody and tellin' them to forget about poker this week. Play somewhere else."

"Nah, I got a bad cough, man. I'm not up for poker. I'll win against you idiots next week. Yeah. See you at work. Bye."

It was that time of day between the morning and the afternoon, when the sun sat extremely high and sent down its blistering rays with no apologies. Kendall had his rickety old window unit air conditioner blowing at full speed, but beads of sweat still formed at his hairline. Of course, that had nothing to do with the heat.

After making his final phone call, he stood stationary in the middle of his living room. _Now what?_ He was nervous as hell, and he gave the room a subtle inspection. Yes, Logan had been in his home twice already, but still...even if he wouldn't admit it, Kendall was very self-conscious about the impression he was making on the cute lil stranger. The guitar had proven to be an asset, so he had it sitting on the floor next to the recliner, just in case Logan might have wanted to hear another song. Logan was planning to cook, so the kitchen was now spotless. Kendall had even managed to scrape some of the grime and gunk off of the framed photographs, just in case Logan might have wanted to look at them again. His mind was already associating all of these things with Logan, and he wanted to do his best to preserve them.

_Logan. That name...that name..._

He didn't know if he should wait on the porch...wait in the driveway...or just sit on the couch and wait...maybe sit at the kitchen table and wait...or go out in the backyard (_But what if he thinks I'm not home and leaves?_) or maybe...ugh. His nerves were tattered. He wasn't the type to come up with fool-proof strategies to get what he wanted, but he knew how to wing it and play by ear. It was how he'd come up with the brilliant idea to question Logan about good ol' "Lindsey," and his only plan for today was that there would be no plan - just instincts.

With that in mind, he picked up the guitar and sat in the middle of the living room floor. It was the only way he knew how to calm himself, and so he began to strum, once again singing a song his mother had always loved...

"Take the ribbon from your hair,  
>Shake it loose, and let it fall.<br>Lay it soft against your skin  
>Like the shadows on the wall."<p>

"Come and lay down by my side  
>'Til the early mornin' light.<br>All I'm takin' is your time.  
>Help me make it through the night."<p>

"I don't care what's right or wrong.  
>I won't try to understand.<br>Let the devil take tomorrow.  
>Lord, tonight, I need a friend."<p>

"Yesterday is dead and gone,  
>And tomorrow's out of sight,<br>And it's sad to be alone.  
>Help me make it through the night."<p>

By the time he'd gotten to the third verse, Kendall knew he was no longer alone in the trailer. His back had been turned to the front door, but he'd been living by himself long enough to just _know_ when there was someone else in his presence.

"Did you...did you write that one?" Logan asked, but he could barely even speak. For the second time in a row, Kendall's singing voice had caught him off guard, and it was making him feel things he didn't think he should feel for someone he barely knew, things that he didn't even want to feel if, in the end, he was only subconsciously chasing after the make-believe fantasy that this country boy could ever be like him.

"No," Kendall replied without turning around or standing up. "It's another one of my mama's favorites." In his mind, it had to be pretty obvious now that he was interested in more than just a friendship.

"Oh...well...it was beautiful. Just like the other one was."

Kendall nodded slowly, waiting for Logan to make some kind of move...to offer to help him make it through the night...for _something_, but when there was nothing, he calmly stood, put on his best smile, and turned around.

"Hey, what is _that_?" he asked, his mind now occupied by the two big paper bags Logan held.

"Oh, it's a surprise," Logan teased. Kendall took the bags and opened them on the coffee table, taking two cheeseburgers and two cartons of French fries out of one and two milkshakes out of the other.

"Oh, really now?" Kendall asked. "Bonanza Burger somehow fits into your whole healthy eatin' thing?"

"Well," Logan began as he and Kendall sat on the couch and separated the food. "I figured, last time, we had something I like, so this time, we could have something you like."

"How did you know I like Bonanza Burger?"

"Oh, I just had a hunch," Logan said. "I saw all of these people coming out with greasy bags, so I took a wild guess that you would appreciate it."

"Haha! I do," Kendall beamed. He began to devour his fries.

"One of the tenets of healthy eating, you see, is being unhealthy," Logan explained as he took in some of his vanilla milkshake. "If you force yourself to follow a strict diet every single day, all of the time, you're gonna give into temptation in a really bad way somewhere down the line. But, if you pick one day out of the week to eat and drink whatever you want, you satisfy those cravings without falling off of your diet."

Kendall nodded with a mouthful of cheeseburger, though he hadn't really listened or understood. "That makes sense. Give into temptation, satisfy cravings. I got it."

Logan snickered at Kendall's adorable gluttony. _Yeah, you got it, all right._ He nibbled passively on his cheeseburger, not wanting to make a total pig out of himself. Truth be told, he'd trained himself to not have the slightest appetite for burgers and fries, but he was willing to compromise that for Kendall.

"You know, while I was driving over here just now," he began, "I remembered that you said something about having your friends over on Saturdays."

"Oh...yeah," Kendall said. "Um...I told them not to come this week."

"You didn't have to do that! I didn't mean to cut you off from your friends or anything."

Kendall just started shaking his head, waiting for his bite of cheeseburger to go down his throat. "It's no big deal, I promise. I see those knuckleheads enough at work. And besides, I'd rather spend the day with you." _Come on, it has to be obvious now, right?_

Logan bit his lip a little, trying to convince himself that he was reading too much into Kendall's words. "Well...good."

Again, Kendall waited for Logan to say or do something to show him that his mild attempts at flirtation weren't going unnoticed, but again, nothing happened, and they were both content to eat the rest of their fast food meal in silence. Kendall got up and threw away the wrappers, cups, cartons, and bags, the whole time wondering what would be the right thing to do or say to get Logan to see that "someone like Lindsey" was right in front of him. He came back and sat in the recliner.

"What are your friends like?" Logan asked, wanting to fill the silent void with something, but not knowing what. "You keep calling them names like you don't really care for 'em."

"Eh," Kendall replied, trying to find the right words to describe it. "I tolerate 'em. I put up with 'em. I mean, they're not horrible guys. Just...well, they're just annoying, you know? They're immature. They're constantly thinkin' 'bout and talkin' 'bout the same old things. I don't know." He got a little frustrated when the right words wouldn't come out. "They just don't seem to want nothin' more out of life. That make sense?"

"Yeah, it makes perfect sense," Logan agreed. "When you're a person who wants to do things and see things, you start to feel like you're being dragged down when you're around people who are fine with being where they're at."

"Right. It's not their fault, I guess. I mean...it could be just me. Maybe I should just accept what I got here and let that be the end of it. Maybe I'm the weird one."

Logan shook his head. Something he was starting to notice about Kendall was that he loved to talk crap about himself. If it was anyone else, Logan would have accused them of fishing for compliments and attention, but he could tell Kendall honestly had some deeply hidden self-esteem issues. "Come on," he said, "you aren't weird. And you should never accept anything less than what you want out of life."

"Well," Kendall chuckled, "I'm definitely not normal. There are...well, there are a couple of things that make me far from normal."

"Look, if anyone here should feel like they're not normal, it's me. I promise you, from the second I got into this town, I've felt like a fish out of water. Everywhere I go, I feel like everyone is staring at me like I don't belong."

"It's because you _don't_ belong," Kendall said.

"Oh, and what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing! Just that...well, you're different from everybody else in this town. You've been places, and you've seen things, and you know things, and...you're just different. People 'round here see that, and it makes 'em feel 'shamed because they know you're different."

"I guess..."

All of this talk about being different and being weird and not being normal...Logan knew it had to be coming from somewhere, but he wasn't brave enough or risky enough to take the conversation to the next level. If he were to come clean about who he _really_ was - about who "Lindsey" really was - how would Kendall respond? Meanwhile, the only thing Kendall wanted to talk about _was_ who Logan really was, and who he really was, too.

"I think I'm different, too," Kendall said quietly. Logan was getting good at picking up the subtle clues of Kendall's language. Whenever he got real quiet and started talking with his head low, Logan knew that he was being sincere.

"What do you mean?" he asked, the sincerity evidently being contagious.

"I don't know," Kendall answered, getting frustrated again. "I just am. Things make me different. One thing in particular makes me different." And then it all hit him like a ton of bricks, the fact that he might have been one or two breaths away from telling someone his deepest, darkest secret. He knew he could trust Logan to keep it, but he couldn't bring himself to come right out and say it. If Logan asked, though, he'd be completely honest.

"You know," Logan said, clearing his throat, "me and you might be different from everyone else in good ol' Autumn, Kansas, but I think we might have something in common."

"I think we do." _Here it comes._

"Yeah...we...both...we both like to sing."

"We do?" An entirely different revelation for sure.

"Well, I've been told that I can carry a tune," Logan hinted. He bobbed his head to the guitar. "You've sung to me twice, so I think I owe you at least one song, right?"

Kendall was still looking down, trying to accept that what he wanted to happen wasn't gonna happen just _yet_, but damn it, it was going to happen. He looked up and smiled. "Yeah. You sure do."

He picked up his guitar and started to strum. "What do you want to sing?"

"What songs do you know?"

"I know a good bit. Not just my Mama's favorites, either."

"All right," Logan thought. "I think I have one that she might have liked. You know 'Close to You?'"

Kendall answered by playing the opening chords of the classic love song, and Logan sang. He was a little shaky at first, but he focused on Kendall's fingers, and his voice came out smooth and strong.

"Why do birds suddenly appear  
>Every time you are near?<br>Just like me, they long to be close to you."

"Why do stars fall down from the sky  
>Every time you walk by?<br>Just like me, they long to be close to you."

"On the day that you were born,  
>The angels got together,<br>And decided to create a dream come true.  
>So, they sprinkled moondust in your hair of gold<br>And starlight in your eyes of green."

"That is why all the girls in town  
>Follow you all around.<br>Just like me, they long to be close to you.  
>Just like me, they long to be close to you."<p>

Logan's voice came to a quiet and his heart rate was speeding up as Kendall continued to ad lib a little on the guitar.

"I think you was right," Kendall drawled softly.

"About?" Logan asked, his breath calming.

"We do have somethin' in common."

And Logan focused long and hard on Kendall's fingers as they continued to strum. He wanted to prepare himself for the flash that would surely come whenever he looked him in the eye, for he knew that this flash would be the biggest and the most telling flash yet. His eyes slowly panned up, touching and caressing every inch of Kendall's body from his fingers up his arms to his clothed chest, up to his veiny neck, tracing the outline of his pointed chin, pausing for a moment on his full lips, until they settled on the emerald green eyes that looked back at him.

"We do," Logan replied. _Please tell me you feel this, too. Please tell me I'm not crazy._

"Um..." Kendall began. "You busy tonight? With your grandma, I mean."

"No," Logan answered, shaking his head. "No, I'm free. My parents have been...well, they've been good these last few days about staying at home and not making me take care of her all the time. Why?"

"I was thinkin'...maybe you'd like to go out to the Wild Cherry? It's like a lil honky-tonk type of place. They play old country music...it's nice to just sit and have a few drinks."

Logan hesitated for a moment. That wasn't exactly what he'd had in mind, but then he nodded. "Sure," he said. He'd probably never thought he'd ever find himself in a place called a _honky-tonk_ in his whole life, but at this moment, his will rest in Kendall's hands. "Yeah."

"Good," Kendall replied. They both sorta melted into smiles, their overwhelmed feelings giving way to something more meaningful, something more hopeful. "You can come over at like eight-thirty, nine, and then we can ride over there."

Logan nodded.

"For now, though," Kendall said, "let's see what else you can sing."

* * *

><p>Kendall and Logan arrived at The Wild Cherry at about 9:15. That was a pretty good time for the one and only bar in thirty miles. It was early enough to make a nice, long night of it, but because The Wild Cherry closed at midnight, it was late enough that most normal people weren't completely hammered by closing time.<p>

"Whatcha shakin' for?" Kendall asked when he and Logan got out of his truck in the gravel parking lot.

"I'm a tad bit nervous," Logan admitted, and he really was. He was minutes away from walking inside a smoky barroom, and he imagined old, hairy bikers and big, dusty men with years of hard work under their belts who had no time for a scrawny little boy from the city. He just knew that this wasn't going to turn out well, but there was safety in being with Kendall. There was just this feeling that he would be in good hands tonight. _And arms?_

"There ain't no reason for you to be nervous, I swear," Kendall promised. "It's just the Wild Cherry. Ain't nobody in there's gonna give you a hard time if they know you're with me, okay?"

"Okay."

"And you _are_ with me, right?"

Logan looked up at Kendall. Butterflies. "Yeah. I'm with you."

"All right, then."

Kendall pulled on the door, and they entered. Inside, The Wild Cherry was just like the typical out-of-the-way drinking establishment. There was a bar, and behind the bar, there was tons of liquor. There were pool tables and dart boards, even a few video poker machines stashed in a corner. There were small tables and chairs, and room for dancing in the center. The speakers piped out a raucous rockabilly tune, and a decent-sized group of lively Autumn dwellers was cutting a rug. There were some older couples and younger couples, and also a group of guys huddled by the pool table.

Deep down, Kendall knew it had been stupid to suggest they come _here_ of all places. If he wanted to show this boy that he was interested, why bring him to a place where it obviously wouldn't be a good idea to show affection? Wouldn't it have made more sense to just stay at home? He was trusting his instincts, though, and whenever he'd like a girl, he'd take her out to The Wild Cherry. Boys were different from girls, though, and Logan was different from anyone he'd ever met.

"Let's go get some drinks," Kendall decided, and they started for the bar, but they were stopped on the way by a couple of the dudes who'd been huddled by the pool table.

"Hey, jackass! Thought you was 'sposed to be sick!" That was Dustin, a tall, lumpy-shaped guy with a dirty beard and a baseball cap.

"Yeah, I got better," Kendall snapped, brushing him off, but then there was another.

"Don't look sick to me, Knight! I think you was ascared of losin' all that dough you got!" That was Lance, who was short and very solidly-built.

"I _was_ sick, you idiot, and I started feelin' better, but now I'm gonna start feelin' sick again if you keep comin' 'round me with that shitty breath of yours."

"Who's your friend?" Dustin asked, looking at the frightened Logan like he was a dog or a horse or any other animal that couldn't actually fend for itself.

"His name is Logan, and he's cooler than both of you dumbasses combined," Kendall answered, making Logan's heart tingle against its will.

"I've seen him around," Lance said, eying Logan, too, but he was just a tad bit more friendly. "You're Gary Mitchell's cousin, ain't ya?"

"Yeah," Logan answered with reservation. "How did you know that?"

"'Cause everybody knows everything here," Lance replied. "I can probably tell you a bunch of things 'bout you that you don't even know I know, but I betcha I know 'em."

"Really?" Logan asked. Now he was intrigued.

"Yep," Lance said, his once friendly eyes getting more menacing. "Including a couple things you probably think nobody in this town knows at all."

"Okay, you know what?" Kendall cut in. "Why don't you go back to your pool table, shit-mouth?"

Lance and Dustin gave Kendall a little bit more ribbing about beating him at poker, but they did as they were told and went back to the rest of their group of friends while Kendall and Logan went to the bar.

"What do you want to drink?" Kendall asked.

"Uh..." Logan thought aloud, unsure of what to say. "I guess I'll be risky and go for a Pepsi."

Kendall laughed at him at first, then when he saw that Logan was being positively serious, he tried to explain. "It's a bar. They serve alcohol. You've been to a bar before, right? I'm sure there are plenty where you're from."

"Actually...not really. I never did go out much," Logan told him. "I, uh...well, I didn't really go out at all until I started dating Eth-her. Her. Lindsey. She was the one who started taking me out, and she'd always get the drinks."

"Ah, I see." _Still gonna keep that up, huh? All right._ "I guess I'll just have to take her place tonight, huh? We'll see if I can do all the things she used to do."

"Yeah, we'll see."

Kendall ordered the drinks while Logan stood silent. He was uncomfortable in such a foreign environment, and now he was unsure of what Kendall's intentions were. He wanted to feel safe, and he knew that Kendall cared for him, but there was no way of telling what would happen.

"There," Kendall said, pushing Logan his cup.

"What is it?" Logan asked, cautiously glancing at the cup.

"Just drink," Kendall instructed as he took a swig from his own cup. "Did you ever ask _her_ what she had you drinkin'?"

Logan looked at Kendall's eyes, just to make sure he could still be trusted, and he slowly brought the cup up to his mouth. He took a quick sip, and his lips immediately puckered. "It's disgusting!"

"It's whiskey!"

"Oh my God, Kendall, I can't drink that stuff!" Logan pushed the cup away, but he did it too quickly, and a little bit of it spilled on his shirt.

Kendall started chuckling. "Oh, you're a city boy, all right."

"I'm glad you think this is funny," Logan leered as he grabbed for napkins. "This is one of my favorite shirts."

"Don't worry about it. You still look good." He winked at Logan as he took another drink of whiskey, and as the liquor worked its way through his body, he knew it would help him get up the nerve to make a move.

"Let's go sit," Kendall suggested, and they went to a secluded table. "So," he began, "you still wanna get the hell out of town?"

Logan didn't answer at first, just sorta smirked as he made another attempt at the whiskey. It wasn't as bad as it was the first time, but it still burned like hell. He wanted to fit in, though, and he didn't want Kendall to think he was some kind of weakling, so he forced it down.

"It's growing on me," he finally admitted. "I mean, sometimes it gets boring at my grandmother's house, and I still get stares from people in town, and...well, to be honest, your friends kinda intimidated me just now."

"I told ya not to worry 'bout them," Kendall advised. "They think they're tough, but they ain't nothin' to worry 'bout, I promise. And all that shit Lance was talkin' about knowin' things? His girlfriend was cheatin' on him for a whole year, and everybody knew it 'cept for him, so he's dumber than dishwater."

"Wow...that's not exactly a pleasant circumstance," Logan replied. "But anyway, like I said, the town is growing on me. It really is beautiful in its own way, especially early in the morning, and...well...I think I've had some positive experiences here, too, so it's not all bad."

"Hmm," Kendall hummed, his heart beating a little faster. "What have been some of them positive experiences?"

"Well," Logan began, looking down at his drink but smiling because he could feel that all of the little hints he was dropping for Kendall were being fully received. "I think you was right. I think I might've found someone here who can make me forget all about Lindsey...and I'm willing to see where it goes. If it's going anywhere, I mean."

"Oh, I'm sure it's gonna go somewhere."

"Heh." Logan looked up, their eyes met, and there was the flash, stronger than ever.

_Okay, and now what?_ Logan thought. _Am I supposed to take his hand or something? Would someone see us? Or should I just whisper something very quickly to let him know that I'm absolutely smitten with him? What?_

Just then, they were joined at their table by a girl, around the same age as the both of them, who wore short jean shorts and a tight T-shirt with her name - Tara - emblazoned across the front of it. "Kendall Knight, there you are!" she greeted in a strong, deep country voice. "I been lookin' all over for you, and you been sittin' here this whole time."

Kendall was startled by her appearance at first. "Tara," he finally greeted. "How's it goin'?"

"It's goin'," she answered with a smile.

"Logan, this is Tara," Kendall introduced. "Tara, this is Logan. He's in town for the summer."

"I know," she said, reaching out to shake Logan's hand. "You're Gary's cousin, ain't ya?"

"Umm...yeah," Logan answered. "I guess news travels fast here. It's nice to meet you."

"Same to you, cutie."

"Tara's a friend," Kendall quickly explained, knowing exactly what it looked like for this trashy, but attractive, girl to suddenly approach him. "We went all through school together, and now she answers phones at the mill."

"A '_friend_,' Kendall Knight?" Tara asked incredulously. "Now, you know I've tried to make it more than that."

"Ha ha ha," Kendall carefully let out. "Now, you and me _both_ know that nothin' has _ever happened_ 'tween the two of us and nothin' _ever will_."

"Yeah, but you can't blame a girl for tryin', right?" She leaned over and faux-whispered to Logan. "He's a tease, through-and-through."

Kendall sorta rolled his eyes in a joking manner, but deep down, he hoped she'd say whatever she wanted to say and then go about her business. The last thing he needed was for Logan to think that there something going on between her and himself.

"I actually came over to see if I could get you to dance," Tara said to him, pulling at his hand. "It's been a while since we've shared a little time on the floor."

"Ha ha," Kendall let out again. It was his nervous habit to laugh very dryly. "Um, me and Logan here was just havin' us a lil conversation, and you kinda dropped in on the middle of it."

"No, it's okay," Logan insisted. "Uh...you guys should dance."

"Yes," Tara said, "we guys should dance." She pulled hard on Kendall's hand, and though he tried to protest again, he eventually gave in.

"I'll be right back," he told Logan as he downed the rest of his whiskey. "Don'tcha worry."

Logan just nodded as Tara led Kendall to the dance floor. A slow, romantic country ballad began to play, and the floor was filled with couples. Kendall and Tara fit right in amongst the cowboy boots, blue jeans, and ten-gallon hats, and an overwhelming feeling of not belonging fell on Logan. Though he could believe that Kendall and Tara were nothing more than just friends, he couldn't help but feel as if this world - Kendall's world - was not his, that it belonged to the two of them, and that he would never fit in. He'd already ventured out of his comfort zone in order to be with Ethan, and that hadn't turned out too well, and he wondered if it was worth a shot to see where this whole thing was going with Kendall.

The song went on and on, and even though Kendall was generous enough to let Tara rest her head on his shoulder as they slowly danced, his eyes and mind were trained solely on the raven-haired young man sitting in the corner. He hoped Logan wasn't having the wrong idea about all of this, and he knew that he could no longer afford to wait around for Logan to make the first move. As soon as the song was over, he was going to take his new friend away from this place, bring him somewhere where they could be alone, and tell him how he really felt. _Don't give up on me just yet_, he tried to telegraph to Logan. _Give me just a lil bit more time._

Logan sat quietly and tried the whiskey again. It was getting better, but he still couldn't see himself finishing the cup. He examined his drying shirt, resenting the fact that the alcohol smell would probably stay on it for a while. As he lamented his ruined shirt, though, he felt a growing presence behind him, and he started to shake.

"You must be new to town," a voice said behind him. He turned around, and there was a large, hulking man of about fifty years standing over him. "You don't know all the rules yet."

"Excuse me?" Logan asked.

"You don't know the rules yet. You're new to town, so you gotta be initiated."

"Uh..."

"Give me all your money."

Logan hesitated. Was this some kind of joke? The guy wore a worn out jumpsuit, and his face was obscured by a jungle of facial hair. "I don't have anything," Logan said, and he quickly tried to make an escape, but the hulking man backed him up into a corner. "Please leave me alone!"

"You're new to town, so you gotta learn the rules," the man taunted in a deep, terrifying voice. He spat when he talked, and he emitted a nauseating odor of beer and cigarettes. "Rule number one is that Billy Joe always gets what Billy Joe wants. And guess what. I'm Billy Joe."

There was a cold emptiness behind Billy Joe's icy blue eyes, and it frightened Logan. It was like staring into the eyes of a rabid animal, and he began to panic. He dug through his pockets, searching for anything to appease him, but he had nothing. His wallet was in his back pocket, but he couldn't hand that over. It had only ten bucks cash in it, but his license, his debit card, his Social Security card...those were things he wasn't willing to give to this maniacal brute.

"I don't have anything, I told you!"

"I think you do!" Billy demanded violently, and he tossed Logan around and went for the wallet, but just as he was about to grab it, Kendall and Tara appeared, and the monster was tossed against the wall himself.

"What are you doing, huh? Get the fuck back!" Kendall seethed at Billy Joe. Tara kept her distance, but everyone else in the bar was now focusing on the confrontation. "Start shit with _me_, bitch!"

"You fuckin' stay out of this, Knight," Billy grumbled, feeling an ache in his back already. "This ain't got nothin' to do with you."

"Like hell it ain't, fucker!" Kendall snapped. "Come on! I said start some shit with me!"

"Don't-," Logan wheezed weakly, holding on to his knotted stomach. A rumble from the crowd undermined his feeble request, though, as they all yelled for Kendall to kick this guy's ass. Kendall looked at Logan, though, and making sure he was okay became his main concern.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he said dismissively of the older man who wasn't acting so tough anymore, and he stepped to Logan, reaching out to give him support, but Logan pulled away, his eyes distracted by something just beyond Kendall. He tried to voice a warning, but it wouldn't have come soon enough.

"Kendall, look out!" Tara cried out, but it was too late.

Billy Joe had come with friends, and they were ready for a fight.

* * *

><p>"Hold still," Logan instructed carefully as he held an alcohol-drenched tissue up to Kendall's forehead. He slowly pressed the tissue onto a small cut, and he could feel Kendall flinch under the pressure. "I know," he soothed, taking the tissue away.<p>

They stood in the small space of Kendall's bathroom. After the one-against-three barroom brawl (in which Kendall had successfully taken down two of his opponents - the third had gotten lucky), Logan had driven them back to the dark, lonely trailer, and now he was tending to Kendall's battle wounds. He wasn't torn up to the point of needing the emergency room, but he had a few new scars.

Logan placed an adhesive bandage on Kendall's forehead. He then went to tend to a cut right under his left ear. He felt a million and one things about what had gone on at the bar. Part of him hated the fact that Kendall had gotten into such a big fight; but then, part of him secretly appreciated that the fight was because of _him_. He was starting to realize that wanting this boy was going to take much more out of him than he'd ever anticipated, but still, he wanted Kendall more and more.

"We never shoulda went to that damn hell hole," Kendall huffed and puffed. The fire in his body from the fight was just starting to quell, but he still heaved out all of his words and breaths. "It's full of nobody but losers and assholes. I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," Logan said impersonally. Fortunately, he was trained in how to shut off his own feelings while tending to a patient, but he knew he was only fooling himself to believe that he was a doctor, Kendall was his patient, and this bathroom was an examination room.

"I said you was gonna be okay as long as you was with me, and I meant it. Not just at the Wild Cherry, but in this whole town."

Logan just nodded. _Yes, I know. I was _with_ you, and I am still _with_ you, but what does it mean?_ The more Kendall spoke, the harder it was for him to pretend like he didn't care.

"I shoulda never left you by yourself," Kendall continued. "I shoulda told Tara to go fuck herself. She's always tryin' to make things out to be bigger than what they are. I'm gonna tell her 'bout herself next time I see her."

"It's not her fault," Logan said as he dabbed a little of the alcohol under Kendall's ear.

"You're better than anybody in this whole damn town," Kendall said steadfastly. His blood flowed through his body like the mighty Mississippi, and the muscles in his arm were flexed without his intent. Logan pressed some more alcohol under his ear, and it made him cower again, and Logan instinctively placed a comforting hand on his hip. He looked up at Kendall, and their eyes connected.

"We're the same," Kendall said in near whisper. "We're the same."

Logan tore his gaze away from Kendall's, but Kendall's hot green eyes stayed on him as he placed a bandage on the cut under his ear then stepped back, as much as he could in the tiny bathroom. "You probably have bruises...under your shirt," he stammered. His eyes met with Kendall's again, and Kendall slowly pulled his blood-splotched T-shirt off to reveal several small bruises across his chest and abs.

Logan stood silently, his eyes slowly working their way over Kendall's bare torso. He should have had gloves, and he should have been pressing and poking in a cold, unfeeling way, but all he wanted to do was touch Kendall's body, feel the warmth of his skin as it met up with his, and make him feel better.

Kendall looked at him, the expression of longing on his face, and he simply followed his instincts. He reached out, taking Logan's hand in his, and he brought it to his chest, guiding it as it rubbed every inch of him, from his collarbone down to his nipples, across the rugged pectorals and down to his abs. The whole time, his eyes stayed on Logan, who tried to look away but couldn't.

And then, Kendall did it. He leaned down a bit, and he pressed his mouth against Logan's. Logan wasn't ready for it, and it didn't feel right at first, but then Kendall forced his tongue between Logan's lips, and Logan softened up, allowing it to happen. He loosened the stiffness in his body, and he fell against Kendall's, falling deeper into the kiss and letting his hands tenderly take hold of Kendall's bruised body. Kendall rest his hands on Logan's waist, and as their bodies were fully connected, a flash passed through the both of them at the same time, making them both lose control.

"Kiss me," Logan gasped when their mouths parted. "Kiss me again."

* * *

><p><strong>NOTE:<strong> Took me FOREVER to write everything from Tara's appearance through to the end. I wasn't completely sure of what I wanted to happen there or how I wanted to write it (and it seems like your characters always let you know when you're not doing them justice). Like I said up above, I'm still very iffy on how it turned out, but I hope you guys like it! If you have pointers on how the story can improve, PLEASE LET ME KNOW! Thanks!


	6. It Only Takes a Minute

**A/N:** Yay, an update in less than a week! It's not long; it's sort of a part 2 to the previous chapter, picking up right where it left off. I love how you guys are loyal to this story no matter what, and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks everyone!

* * *

><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 6 -**

**It Only Takes a Minute**

There had been so many of the so-called flashes between Logan and Kendall, and each one had been bigger and more meaningful than the one before it, but they all culminated in one big, passionate flash as the two young men stood sandwiched between the bathroom door and sink.

"Kiss me," Logan gasped. "Kiss me again."

And so Kendall did, and their mouths were once again joined in a pit of wanting. All of the pent-up insecurities and anxieties that they both had been facing ever since their first meeting were now released into the air like turtle doves, where they flew high amongst the clouds. Kendall had control of the kiss, biting and nibbling at Logan's taut lips and moving his tongue over the flesh bridge that connected their bodies as they were both getting intoxicated from the faint taste of whiskey that still hung around. Down below, Logan's hands no longer needed Kendall's guidance as they swept over his torso by their own volition. They came to a rest with the palms flat against Kendall's bruised abdomen, the tiny little hairs that had been on his arms also being present there.

The passion and ecstasy reached their zenith, and Logan and Kendall slowly came down from the high. Gone were the attempts to look away from each other, for they couldn't break the eye contact even if they wanted to. Kendall's arms, which had tightened around Logan's waist, began to loosen, and Logan's hands withdrew from Kendall's body.

"Please...tell me you wanted that," Logan suddenly begged. "Tell me it wasn't a mistake."

"I wanted it," Kendall said, eager to please this boy who, for this very moment at least, was _his_. "It wasn't a mistake. It could never be."

Logan waited for his belief to sink in, and it did, and he nodded, still unable to break free from the hypnotic spell they were both under.

"Why didn't you tell me something?" Logan asked, his bearings easing their way back to him.

"I don't know," Kendall answered, his slight confusion causing him to look to the side and down. "I was scared," he then said, facing Logan eye-to-eye again.

"No, you don't have to be scared," Logan told him with compassion, and he pulled Kendall closer, their mouths almost touching again. "Not anymore," he whispered, and they shared their third kiss. It didn't last as long as the others, but within its short length rest just as much emotion and power.

"We should talk," Kendall said.

Logan nodded, and they forced themselves to leave the comfort of their snug position. While Kendall put his shirt back on, Logan put away the first aid supplies. They turned off the lights, and Logan led the way as they ventured down the short hallway, pass Kendall's closed bedroom door, and into the living room/kitchen area. Walking allowed them to regain their senses and to fully process what had just taken place.

Once they were in the living room, Logan stopped, and he spun around, staring at Kendall as if he was an endangered species.

"What?" Kendall asked, reaching for the bandages that were on his forehead.

"You're still here," Logan replied. "You haven't kicked me out yet..."

"Why would I do that?" Kendall wondered, ready to take this boy who was _his_ back into his arms.

"Because!" Logan exclaimed. "I just...I just violated your _manhood_! I just made you do something that you didn't want to do, and I...I just-"

"No, you didn't! I swear, you didn't."

There was not an inch of Kendall's face that didn't show how honest he was, and still, it bewildered Logan. _He _does_ want me to stay. He's _not_ mad._

"Come on, sit down," Kendall suggested, and they found their previous roles reversed. Whereas Logan had helped the wounded Kendall into the trailer and into the bathroom and tended to him, it was now Kendall who helped Logan sit on the sofa. Logan rest his elbows on his knees, rubbing his temples as it all sank in.

"We didn't do nothin' that I didn't want to do," Kendall softly twanged in his ear. "I think you already know that, though."

Logan started to nod, a smile coming across his face as he turned to Kendall. "I didn't think it was true at first. I thought it was impossible, really. I mean, you really don't expect a guy like you to be...well, you know."

"Yeah..."

"I, um...I started wondering yesterday, when you kept talking about me finding someone in this town."

Kendall blushed a little. "That was stupid of me, and I'm sorry."

"No! It wasn't!" Logan assured him, and he almost put a hand on Kendall's thigh, but some force of self-control and uncertainty stopped him. "I just wish you would have told me something. I mean...how did you even find out that I'm gay?" That word stung just a little bit, only because, even after their kiss and Kendall's honesty, there was still just a tiny portion of residual fear in Logan.

Kendall gulped. "I kinda wondered about it at first...not for any real reason, just...well, I guess you could say I was kinda hopin' you was. And then...Thursday night. I, um...that message you got from your ex-boyfriend..."

"You read it?!" Logan accused, his eyebrows scrunching together.

"No! No, I swear I didn't! I only looked at it for a second on account of I thought it was my phone, not yours, but when I remembered, I...well, I didn't even touch it! I just...looked at it enough to see the name. Ethan. And then I remembered what you'd said about keeping 'my love' by his name, and...well...I just put it all together."

Logan connected the dots in his own head and realized it was a plausible story. "But why didn't you _say_ something?" he asked, echoing the first time he'd asked the question back in the bathroom.

"I told you already," Kendall replied, getting a little afraid of the way Logan was reacting. "I was scared."

"Scared of w_hat_?" Logan interrogated impatiently.

"I don't know, okay?" Kendall said defensively, but he knew. "I just don't know."

But it wasn't hard for Logan to figure out, or so he thought. He just shook his head, saying, "You're scared of people finding out about you and what they would say."

"No!" Kendall denied. "That has nothin' to do with it. I don't give a damn 'bout what anybody says 'bout me."

"Then what are you scared of?"

"I'm scared of you, okay?" Kendall finally admitted, getting up from the sofa and pacing around the living room, looking at Logan every time he addressed him. "We talked about it today. You're different. You're different from everybody in this town...includin' me. You live in a big ol' city, and you can probably get anybody that you wanted, and you're even still gettin' messages from that Ethan fella. If I told you that I thought you was cute 'n sweet 'n that I was interested in gettin' to know you better, what woulda been the point? Huh?"

_You're interested in me?_ Logan thought in the intervening silence. He again went to rubbing his temples as Kendall stood panting with his hands on his hips, both of them feeling their aggression turning into understanding.

"Did you ever think," Logan began, wetting his lips (and tasting Kendall in the process), "that maybe I was interested in you?"

"Heh," Kendall chuckled. "You're not interested in me."

"That's not true!" Logan expressed. "Look, I know it's only been a week and that it's really no time at all, but from the second I met you, you've been...you've been runnin' around in my head. Maybe it was the fact that you paid for my breakfast, maybe it was the fact that you changed my tire...hell, maybe it's because I think you're cute, too. Whatever it is, it's had me thinking about you, and this whole time, I've been telling myself that A, it's stupid for me to be hung up on someone I barely know, and B, it's stupid for me to think that anything could ever happen between us."

"And now somethin' _has_ happened between us."

"Yes," Logan said, his high-speed speech slowing down upon recollection of the feeling of his hands on Kendall's body, his mouth on Kendall's mouth. "And I liked it," he added, with his eyes on Kendall's eyes. "It's crazy, but I liked it."

"It's not crazy," Kendall said, squatting down in front of Logan. He tried to continue his thought, but then, "Okay, yeah, it _is_ crazy. It is. But what's wrong with that? You've been runnin' 'round in my head, too, and...well, I like it, too. I don't want it to stop."

Suddenly, Logan's face went real serious, and he looked right into Kendall's eyes. "Do you mean it?"

"Yes! I do!"

Logan started shaking his head. "If we're gonna go any further with this - whatever _this_ is - I have to believe you mean it."

"I mean it!" Kendall exclaimed. "I don't know what else you want me to say."

Logan placed his hands on his face and breathed as a pang of remembrance shot through him, conjuring up memories of a not-so-distant past, of a not-so-healed heartbreak. This scene with Kendall was playing out around him now, but it was like a movie remake, for he'd felt these things before, and he'd heard those words before as spoken by another actor. The memories made him cling to himself, depending only upon himself for affection, but Kendall was soon sitting next to him on the sofa again, and though he was unsure of himself at first, he put his arm around Logan's shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he quietly apologized. "I shoulda told you somethin' the second I knew 'bout you."

"No, it's not your fault," Logan said, removing his face from his hands. Kendall nodded, making himself accept that it _wasn't_ his fault, and they sat like that in silence for almost a full minute, both making amends with the mild tempers they'd just displayed.

Kendall held Logan close to him, and Logan absently placed a hand on his thigh. The touch sent a shockwave through Kendall's body, and it made it all feel so real to him. _I'm holding a guy in my arms._

"You're the first boy I ever kissed," he said smoothly, though there was a contained excitement and relief right beneath the surface of the words he spoke, "or ever did anything with. Lord knows I been thinkin' 'bout it for a while, least since I was goin' to Autumn Junior High. Just never had anybody to try anything with."

Logan turned and looked at him, the compassion and the sympathy oozing from his pores and smothering Kendall, but the apprehension born from the past trying to squeeze through. "You wanted to experiment. What happened in the bathroom was heat of the moment," he decided.

"Maybe," Kendall considered. "But it was what I felt in that moment...and I think you felt it, too." He paused, regarding Logan's eyes and knowing that _yes_, they both had felt it, just like the both of them had felt _everything_ together in the previous few days.

"It _is_ crazy, and it _ain't_ been any time at all," Kendall continued. "And you know, maybe this ain't gonna amount to anything in the long run, but...well...all I know is that I like what I know about you so far, and I wanna get to know more. That's all I'm askin' for. I ain't askin' you to feel sorry for me or to pity me or anything, I'm just askin' you to be my friend. And then we can see where it goes."

Logan started to nod, and the tension that had consumed him released itself. He patted Kendall's thigh. "I'd like that. I'd like it a lot."

"Good, then. 'Cause I like you a lot."

Logan eased out of the warm embrace, and looked at his watch. Well, he certainly hadn't imagined that the night would end this way. Of course, he'd hoped that something would finally give between Kendall and himself, but he had figured he would have been much cooler about it. Memories of a past he wasn't quite ready to talk about loomed, though, and as much as he could wrap himself up in the fantasy of being with a tough, blue collar farm boy, his guard was up.

"It's getting late," he said, and at about 11:20pm, this was an accurate statement for a Saturday night in Autumn.

Kendall wanted so much to protest, just so that he and Logan could continue to explore each other - emotionally...physically? - but he knew better than to be forceful. He let Logan stand and followed him to the door.

"You should be fine," Logan prognosed in regards to Kendall's injuries. "Just keep the wounds covered and clean. Change the bandages when you wake up in the morning and again tomorrow night. Take it easy."

"I will," Kendall promised to Logan's back. "Um...I wanna see you again."

Logan hit one beat - _He wants to see me again._ - and turned around with a smile. "I want to see you again, too."

"Come 'round some time, then," Kendall told him.

Logan nodded, and Kendall nodded, and soon Logan was out the door. Kendall stood on the porch and watched him until he got into his Mustang and drove away, and then he went back inside, where he would lie down for his night's rest, tossing and turning all the way through as he contemplated things to come.


	7. The Morning After

**A/N:** All right, everyone! Sorry it's been nearly a month. A persky hurricane got in the way, and then after everything got back to normal, I got buried in schoolwork. Anyway, here's a new chapter. Kinda short and sorta filler material, but I'm just glad to be able to give you guys something. I won't make any promises on when the new chapter will be up, but it shouldn't be another month-long wait. Love you guys, and hope you keep reading!

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><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 7 -**

**The Morning After  
><strong>

As the minutes got closer and closer to midnight, Autumn was a silent town. The whir of Logan's car as it came to a rest in his grandmother's driveway seemed loud enough to wake the entire block, and all Logan wanted to do was get inside, maybe get a little something to eat, and go straight to bed. He carefully entered as quietly as possible, cringing when the front door closed with a loud click. He poured himself a bowl of cereal and ate in front of a muted sitcom rerun. He figured his parents and grandma were all long asleep, and he looked forward to joining them in a world where nothing was real and reality was irrelevant.

He stalked down the hallway to his room, but just as he was almost there, he could hear his name being called to him from the walls.

"Logan," the feeble voice said. "Logan..."

Maybe he would have shit his pants had he not known immediately where the voice was coming from.

"Grandma, what are you doing still awake?" he asked when he entered his grandmother's dark bedroom. He carefully walked through the pitch blackness to turn on the bedside lamp.

"I can't sleep," the old woman answered.

Her frail, weak body was tucked under a warm quilt, her black and grey hair pinned up so as not to constantly fall down over her eyes. Her face was gaunt, and it was no secret to anyone who knew Clara Mitchell that her time left on Earth wasn't long. Still, though, there was a certain look in her eye that kept the fiery spirit of her youth alive and sharp, and that look was there as Logan sat on the chair next to her bed.

"You can't sleep?" Logan asked in a very doctor-like voice. He'd been taking advantage of this whole situation in order to prepare for his future career. It sorta seemed selfish and opportunistic, but it wasn't like he was ever close to the woman. Before moving to Autumn, he'd only met her five times, most of which were when he was younger than ten years old.

"I understand you had quite a few visitors today," he said. "You were very busy."

"I sleep all day," Grandma replied in her husky voice. "And I listen to my son go on and on and on and on 'bout things from a long time ago."

"Well, then, you should be tired."

"I'm not," she dismissed his concern. "What I want to know is...where'd you go tonight?"

Logan's eyebrows went up, and he kinda smirked. "I didn't go anywhere."

"Yes, you did. You just got in. I'm not stupid."

Logan tried to think of a way to convince her that she'd been wrong, but it hit him - shit, if she knew what she was talking about, why try to BS her?

"I went to a place called the Wild Cherry."

"Oh, lord," Grandma sighed, a crooked smile forming on her face as she rolled her beady eyes and shook her head. "That place."

"You know it?" Logan asked, amused by her reaction.

"Know it!? I was there at the beginnin'," she said. "I helped make that place what it is today. Did you go all by yourself? 'Cause ifin' you wanted company, I coulda went with you."

Logan chuckled. "No, I went with a friend."

"Oh, good," she said. "Tell me, is she pretty?"

Logan hesitated, not sure what to say. As far as he knew, Grandma thought he was straight. He hadn't tried to hide anything from her, but so far, there hadn't been much to hide anyway. The only way she would have known was if he or his parents had told her, and he'd expressly told his parents to not tell her.

"Oh wait, no," she then said. "I got that all wrong. Tell me, is _he_ handsome?"

"Uh..."

"Come on, don't be shy!"

He wondered how in the world she knew, but he felt obliged to give her an answer. "Uh...yeah, he is. I think he is, at least." And it kinda warmed his heart to think about how handsome Kendall really was and the fact that he was talking about this with his grandmother.

"Good," she approved, nodding. "There ain't nothin' better than a country boy."

Logan nodded absently, not really agreeing but just marveling at the fact that _this_ was the conversation they were having. Up until this point, all they'd ever talked about was the side-effects of her medicine and what was happening on _The Bold and the Beautiful_.

"And, in case you're wonderin'," she added, "I just have ways of knowin'. Does you no good to ask me how, though, so don't."

"I wasn't gonna bother," he said, shaking his head in disbelief. Just then, he let out a big yawn.

"Now, you go on to sleep," Grandma ordered. "If anybody's tired here, it's you. And if you went out to the Wild Cherry with a boy, you oughta be dead tired."

Logan nodded, once again yawning and stretching. "Call me if you need anything," he told her as he got up from his chair.

"I will," she promised. "And _you_ call _me_ if _you_ need anything."

He smiled at her, nodded again, and left the room.

* * *

><p>There was a way of life in Autumn that anyone could easily set their watch by. Certain things could just be counted on, and chief among these things was where the vast majority of the town could be found on Sunday mornings.<p>

"Let us pray," the minister instructed in his strong, authoritative voice. He stood before his people - _God's_ people - as they all bowed their heads and began to pray. He'd been the leader of the church for thirty-five years, and literally every single Sunday service he'd presided over had followed the exact same format, the same format that had been followed by the minister before him and the minister before _him_. Tradition was immortal in Autumn, and just about everyone in town would not have had it any other way.

On the fifth pew from the front, Kendall sat and prayed like good God-fearin' young men were supposed to. He prayed for his own well-being, he prayed for the well-being of the few people he had left in his life to really care about, and he also prayed for the general well-being of the world. Most of all, though, he prayed for Logan and himself and for the hope that they would only bring into each other's lives the very best of everything.

"Amen," he whispered along with the other churchgoers.

* * *

><p>"All right, Kendall Knight, I bit my tongue all throughout church this mornin', but now I can't hold it any longer. Tell me why in the world you got all of those bandages on you!"<p>

Kendall stood with Hazel and her family just outside the church. This was another one of those Autumn traditions - everyone would socialize for a while immediately following the service.

"They look worse than what they actually are," Kendall tried to play it down bashfully. Somehow, telling her that he'd gotten into a barroom brawl over a guy he was attracted to didn't seem like that great of an idea. She was already reaching for a bandage, though, peaking underneath at the steadily healing cut on his forehead.

"Oh my God!" she gasped, and her husband pulled her hand away from Kendall's head.

"Leave the kid alone, Hazel," he said, winking at Kendall. "It looks like he got himself into a man's fight last night. I'd hate to see what the other fella looks like."

"The other _fellas_," Tara corrected as she joined them. Kendall rolled his eyes as she and Hazel exchanged hugs and cheek kisses. "Our heavyweight champion here got into it real big last night with Billy Joe Conley and them morons he's always goin' 'round with," she explained, subtly teasing him with her eyes.

Hazel gasped again. "Billy Joe Conley!? Kendall, what were you thinkin'?"

"It wasn't a big deal," he shrugged. He wasn't crazy about all of this concern being heaped upon him, but a small part of it liked the feeling of a mother worrying herself over him.

"Not a big deal?!" Hazel repeated in disbelief. "You were at that Wild Cherry again, wasn't you? Answer me!"

He nodded. "I only went for a lil while."

"Kendall, if I've told you once, I've told you twenty times," she fussed, "that place is not the type of place you need to be spendin' your time at. Look at what's happened to you! Thank the Lord, our Father, you have a good woman like Tara in your life to help put some sense into that hard head of yours."

"Uh..." he replied, trying to figure out what she was implying.

"Oh, I had no part in that," Tara clarified. "I watched from the sideline, and when it was all over with, I went right home to get a good night's rest for church."

"Oh?" Hazel asked, just mildly disappointed. "Well, anyway, I think it'd be a very good idea if you kept an eye on this one for a while. So long as he's goin' 'round startin' fights with Billy Joe Conley and what-not. He needs someone with common sense to straighten him out."

"I'll be fine," Kendall suddenly blurted out, a palpable frustration emitting from his words as he turned from them and walked away to his truck.

Hazel just shook her head. Sure, deep inside she felt a little guilty for exploiting Kendall's incident to play matchmaker, but for the most part, she resolved to stand firm in her intention to get him paired up with somebody's daughter in this town. Ever since that morning at the diner a week and a half earlier, it had been weighing on her mind that she needed to do something to help the son of her deceased best friend out, and there were way too many fine young women in Autumn for him to be all alone.

* * *

><p>That afternoon, Logan decided to help his parents out by going through some of the boxes upon boxes upon boxes of old papers and photographs that his grandma had saved up over the years. It wasn't like she was a hoarder or anything - everything had been neatly stored away in the attic - but there was just so much stuff, some of it decades old, and the nerd in him kinda liked the idea of unearthing some long-forgotten family treasure.<p>

Of course, he also needed time to think. Seated on the back porch and with several large boxes ready to be rummaged through, he set about his work, but instead of thoughts and memories of his family's distant past, his mind was filled with thoughts of the young man who lived alone about five minutes away.

_Kendall._

Logan had quickly gone to sleep the night before, and it had been a dreamless one, not one where he'd somehow concocted an entirely far-fetched future for Kendall and himself based on the strength of just a few kisses and a very brief heart-to-heart. Now, though, that he was a awake, he couldn't stop himself from daydreaming about what the near future would hold. What exactly would come of this newfound friendship, and how long would it last?

He dug through the first box, finding nothing really out of the ordinary. Old recipes from old magazines, coupons that had been carefully clipped but were evidently never used, newspaper obituaries for his grandma's old friends and classmates, and other things of the like. Underwhelmed, Logan stopped digging and just sighed.

_I want to see him again. I want to see him now._

But maybe it was too soon? He could have blown off the storage boxes and headed on over to Kendall's trailer, but it could have ended up being extremely awkward. What if Kendall wasn't ready yet for daily visits and just wanted to take things slow? Logan didn't want to rush him or ignore his feelings - he'd made that mistake before, and it still hurt him deeply.

He pushed the first box aside, pretty sure that, aside from the obituraries, all of its contents could be filed away in the garbage. The next box had more of the same, but it also had old pieces of fabric, obviously meant to be sewn together into something but never quite making it that far. There were dress patterns and instructions to go along with them, and the crafty part of Logan decided that it should all be saved.

_He probably woke up this morning and regrets everything that happened last night._

What if he went to see Kendall, and Kendall immediately told him that they couldn't be friends or _anything_ to each other anymore? What if Kendall said that he'd only suffered a moment of weakness and that being a fag was not what he wanted and that he'd kick Logan's ass if he ever came around again or told anyone about what they'd done?

"Grrr," he let out as he balled up a yellowed Dear Abby clipping from 1978. It felt like he'd made absolutely no progress at all. Here he was, back at square one, wondering whether or not this boy actually felt the same as him. Of course, the simple fact that Kendall had _told_ him that he _did_ feel the same way should have been some kind of comfort, but Logan knew all too well that feelings change and what a boy feels one night can be dead and buried by the morning. It would have been so much easier if Kendall would just take the lead and

He dug through the third box, where he found more advice column clippings. His grandmother sure did keep weird things. He tore through the clippings, wishing he could just turn off his emotions and never feel anything for anyone anymore, but just as he was about to give up on the boxes and on the thought of he and Kendall being more than friends, he retrieved a folded Dear Abby from the bottom of the box. He opened the article, but interestingly, there was no "Dear Abby" portion, just the advice she'd wanted to pass on to the writer of the letter.

"_Dear Scared to Try Again,_

_It's understandable that you still suffer from heartache when you think about the failed relationship in your past. We all need a little time to get past such things. But what better way to do that than to start a new relationship with someone else? The pain you harbor from the past may have you feeling unsure of the possibility something happening with the new man in your life, but you'll never know what'll be until you take the initiative. Yes, your heart may be broken again, but then you'll have two heartbreaks under your belt, and you'll be all the stronger for it. On the other hand, this could be the start of something beautiful. You'll never know unless you go for it!_"

And it was as if the fates were all trying to tell him something. Logan held the clipping in his hand for a few seconds and let the 35-year-old advice seep into his head. There was no reason at all for him to be sitting here merely wondering how Kendall felt, and so he worked up the will, got up, and decided to go pay his new friend a visit.

* * *

><p>Kendall sat in the backyard at Hazel's house, a mere three streets over from where Logan's grandmother lived. This was another part of the Sunday routine - the afternoon would be spent sitting here with a beer in hand, listening as Hazel's husband and some of his pals talked about the "good ol' days" in Autumn. He'd decided that morning after church that he wasn't gonna be present this week, but the inner pressure to please everyone around him had won out, and here he was, exactly where everyone in town would expect him to be.<p>

"Hey there, Knight, I hear you got yourself into a big ol' bust-up last night at the Cherry," one of the men said. They all sat on buckets and old ice chests, and Hazel's husband periodically got up to check the barbecue grill.

"Heh," Kendall smirked, not wanting to get into it with them. He was a damn good fighter, but he hated the pathetic way the people in this town would get filled with glee as he recounted his fights to them. "It wasn't anything."

"Well, from what I hear, it was over the pretty little girl you been seen 'round town with," the man said, a gross twinkle in his eye.

"No, that wasn't it," Kendall answered, trying to stay cool but getting increasingly annoyed. He sat far away from the others and kept his head low. He was not in the mood for this shit at all.

"I think it's high time you go out there and get you some, boy," the man said, soliciting smoky chuckles from the others. "What's her name? Tara? If I was a couple years younger, Lord knows I'd try a thing or two!"

As they all descended into creepy conversation about their ancient sexcapades from many years ago, Kendall zoned out completely, letting his mind fall squarely on Logan once again. He greatly regretted coming _here_, for he would have much rather spent this Sunday afternoon with Logan...getting to know him more, just like he'd said he'd wanted to do. But, he decided, there would be time enough for that. Despite the annoyance he was feeling from his company, the promise of spending the summer with Logan loosened him up and made him smile.

* * *

><p>Logan sat in his car for a few minutes, remembering the last time he'd gone to Kendall's house and was <em>just<em> ready to leave. Kendall had come around the corner in his truck, and they'd ended up getting one step closer to the climax that had occurred the night before. And so he waited...and waited...and waited. His car was turned off, so he was surrounded by the sounds of the countryside - the birds, the wind, and few things else.

_He's not here because he knew you'd be coming back for him. He didn't want to see you, and so he left. He doesn't want you. He's scared of you, remember? He's scared of what you're gonna make him do, and he's scared of what you're gonna turn him into, and-_

Logan hated this about himself, his need to beat himself up and always expect the worse. Maybe there were some good explanations for why Kendall wasn't home, but he wouldn't allow himself to accept them. No, in his mind, this meant only one thing - Kendall realized he'd made a mistake the night before, and now he was avoiding Logan the best way he could.

_I wish he would just tell me that, because then I'd just avoid him and he could go back to living his life._

He was an inch away from turning the ignition when he could hear the rumbling roar of a truck in the distance. _He's coming._ He sat still and quietly, afraid that if he made too much noise, he'd lose the sound of the approaching truck, and it'd never arrive. He carefully smoothed out his hair and licked his lips, subconsciously wanting to look his best for when Kendall would get there, but when he opened the car door and got out to meet him, he was dismayed to see that it wasn't Kendall's truck he'd heard coming. No, this truck was more beat-up and sounded like it was on its last legs. Still, though, this truck slowed down and pulled into Kendall's driveway. Logan clung to his door handle, afraid of what was going to happen.

"Hey, is Knight in there?"

It was Lance, one of Kendall's "friends" from the Wild Cherry. Logan let out a small sigh of relief, glad to see a somewhat familiar face, but he kept his guard up.

"No, he's not here," he answered, smiling because, for some reason, he wanted to make a good impression on this moron.

"Oh," Lance replied, nodding. He seemed much nicer now, and Logan felt like maybe he wasn't so bad after all.

"Hey, let me ask you somethin', 'kay?" Lance said, looking at Logan with serious eyes.

"Sure. What is it?"

"You been in this town for what...two minutes?"

"A few weeks."

"Right," Lance nodded. "That ain't a long time."

"No," Logan agreed, though he was getting suspicious of what Lance was getting at.

"Right, it ain't been a long time at all. But you and Knight sure have gotten close in them few weeks."

_Fuck_, Logan thought. _He knows._ "Well, uh...he helped me with a few things. My car had some problems, so...yeah, he helped me with that, and..."

Lance just nodded as Logan gave up on trying to explain. "That's cool. That's all right. I guess I was just thinkin' that it was funny yesterday how Knight called me and told me he was sick and was gonna be laid up in bed all day long, but when I passed through here yesterday 'round noon, your car was parked right there where it's parked now."

"I wasn't here long," Logan tried to explain, though he could sense it was too late for that. "I realized he wasn't feelin' well, so I left. I wasn't even here for five minutes."

Lance nodded ominously again, as if every time he detected bullshit, he just stored it away in the back of his mind for future use.

"That's cool, I said," he reiterated to Logan. He looked at Logan with strong eyes. Not menacing, but not exactly friendly, either. "Look, if you see him, tell him I stopped by, all right?"

"All right."

Lance barreled out of the driveway and vanished down the road. Logan got back into his car. He thought about waiting again for Kendall, but after this strange episode, he was ready to get back to his grandma's house, where he'd get into bed and hopefully drift back off to sleep.

_What have I gotten myself into?_


	8. Just Friends (For Now)

**A/N:** All right, everyone! I'm back! With an extremely short chapter, but I'm back nonetheless! Yes, the same-old/same-old about how much school sucks and the semester was hard. I'm sorry for disappearing for so long, but I had to focus! This is a short chapter because I was eager to post something, anything, to show you all that the story is back. More will come soon, so please please please, don't give up on me! These characters forced me to devote more attention to them, so there is much, much more in store for them! Thanks to everyone who has read and supported the story!

* * *

><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 8 -**

**Just Friends (For Now)**

Logan ate quietly in a corner of the eatery. He'd learned from his time so far in Autumn that the best way to stay out of trouble was to deflect all attention from one's self. He slowly chewed on his tiny breakfast of one scrambled egg, half a toast, and two strips of bacon and just as slowly took sips from his apple juice. Quiet...slow...still...and then maybe none of the big, hulking monsters who chortled and told inappropriate jokes in loud voices would pick on him. Though it was Kendall who'd gotten the brunt of Billy Bob's senseless wrath at the Wild Cherry, Logan was still skittish.

He hadn't planned on going out for breakfast Monday morning, but his parents had insisted upon it, and also...well, he thought maybe there'd be a chance...

_It's a possibility, right? He could show up on his way to work, right?_

But as the clock ticked closer and closer to eight-thirty and all of the dining industry men cleared out on their way to a hard day's work, it seemed less likely that a chance encounter between Logan and Kendall would happen on this day at this time.

The immature assumption that Kendall was avoiding him - _It's what straight guys do._ - still lingered on in Logan's mind, but a good night's sleep had grounded him and given him a fresher outlook. They'd parted as _friends_. Kendall wanted to take things _slowly_. All of this was _new_ to him. He'd been as upfront as he could be, and Logan knew he should have been thankful for that much. He was still nervous, though. Nervous and just a little bit scared.

"More juice, sweetie?" Hazel asked as she juggled dirty plates and pitchers in her hands.

"Oh, no, no," Logan refused, not wanting to hassle her, but she was already freshening his glass.

"Not to be a cow or anything," she said, "but you remembered to bring cash with you this time, right?"

"Yes," Logan nodded, smiling. "Yes, I did make a big withdrawal, just in case."

"Good," she replied approvingly. "I mean, I don't think it would be as bad as you havin' to wash dishes or somethin' like that, but it's best not to get ol' Fred all triggered up this early in the mornin'."

Logan nodded again, definitely not wanting to get _any_body "triggered up."

Hazel tended to the dirty dishes while Logan finished up. He was all prepared to pay and head back to his grandmother's house for a day of boredom and silent agony over his oh-so-tender feelings, but when Hazel returned, she took a seat at his table, sending a very creepy feeling down the back of his spine.

"I hear you and Kendall have gotten to be pals, huh?" she asked. The diner was near empty now, just Logan at his table and a single mother with a baby in a booth on the other side.

"Um..." Logan replied, startled by such a random question.

"Well, I heard from Gladys Hoffman that you was over there at his house on Saturday and then yall went on to the Wild Cherry later on that night. You know Gladys, right? She's your grandma's friend."

Logan's eyebrows were furrowed. Yeah, he knew Gladys - he'd shuttled her back and forth from his grandma's house too many times to count - but he was wondering how all of this information had gotten back to the _waitress_ in the _diner_ and why it was at all any of her business.

"I know Gladys," he said cautiously. The concept of privacy was clearly unheard of in Autumn. "And yeah...uh...Kendall's a good guy."

"Yep, he _is_ a good guy," Hazel agreed. She spoke not with a judgmental tone but one that was sorta observational, as if she was watching or waiting for Logan to react in a certain way to her words. "He's gone through a whole lot already," she then said, once again with an expectant tint in her voice.

"Yes. Ahem. He's told me a little bit about it."

"He had a rough go of things when he was growin' up. Daddy always hittin' on him, his Mama not really strong enough to do anything about it. And then his Mama died...Daddy left...the little girl he was runnin' 'round with, she left, too. Everything happened in the blink of an eye, and he didn't wanna let anybody in. Nobody."

A cloak of discomfort fell hard upon Logan, and he could feel his stomach start to knot up and the breakfast he'd just eaten start to churn. Yes, he knew of Kendall's tragic family history, but being reminded of it now, especially after the closeness he and Kendall had experienced over the weekend...it made him feel just a little bit sleazy, as if he'd been taking advantage of a broken man who had not the emotional strength or will to make his own choices.

_Who's this girl he was runnin' 'round with?_ he wondered. _How much "running" did they do?_

"He...ahem...he seems to be fine now," he said hoarsely, hoping to turn the tide on the conversation.

Hazel could tell that she was scaring him a little, and she determined that Logan had passed her test. This one could be trusted. _He _is_ Clara Mitchell's grandson, for cryin' out loud_.

"He is," she agreed with Logan. She smiled warmly, instantly changing tone. "And I'm glad to see he's stretchin' out his circle of friends. Some of the fellas 'round here...well, let's just say that their eggs ain't fully hatched yet."

Logan giggled, and the tension that had been in him subsided. "I've met a few of them, and...well, I don't like to judge."

"No, it's fine! I ain't no Judge Judy, but I calls 'em like I sees 'em, and Autumn ain't known for its geniuses. Except for you, of course."

"Me?"

"Yeah," she nodded, her eyes twinkling at Logan's. "I heard some things 'bout you. I heard 'bout how you're plannin' to be a big doctor in the city. You're grandma's very proud of you, you know. Just make sure you don't forget where you came from. You might be from the city, but your daddy was born and raised here, so that makes you a true blue Autumn boy."

Logan didn't respond, just meditated on her implication. The realization was quite surreal, to say the least. He was indeed an Autumn boy. For better or for worse.

"Just own it," Hazel playfully teased as she got up to go back to her duties. "You're a good ol' Autumn boy. Just like Kendall Knight."

* * *

><p>There was an excitement stretching out to all of the extremities of Kendall's body when he got home that evening. All day long, he'd been in the dopiest of dopey moods. He'd gotten up early and rubbed one out in the shower, thinking of Logan the entire time. <em>Them lips...so soft.<em> He'd eaten a small breakfast (not too much, for he wouldn't want to disappoint Logan), and he'd even had a little time to sit and watch TV. By the time he'd gotten to work, his good mood was solidified, and nothing could ruin it.

_I got me a boy_, he kept thinking to himself. Even his bosses and the other douches at the mill couldn't get under his skin. _I got me a boy, and we're gonna be together._ So what if he'd said that all he wanted was Logan's "friendship?" Logan was smart. He was going to be a doctor, for goodness's sake. He didn't need a house to fall on him to realize that Kendall was hoping for more than just a friendship. Soon, though, if things worked out, that friendship would become more all on its own.

Upon arriving home, he flung open his front door, almost as if he was expecting Logan to be sitting there, waiting for him, as if they were already a long-standing couple with a normal routine. Dinner was supposed to be cooking on the stove, and Logan was supposed to be reading the newspaper or studying his medical school notes. They were supposed to greet each other with a big, wet kiss and maybe a little more if they could get it started and finished before dinner burned. And then they'd talk...just talk...and be there for one another.

_Chill the fuck out, kiddo,_ Kendall told himself when he remembered that they weren't quite there _yet_.

He wanted to see Logan, definitely, and he kicked himself for wasting Sunday on the same old boring routine. He could have easily told Hazel he "couldn't make it" for dinner and had Logan over. It was all right, though. There'd be time to make up for it. He stood at the genesis of a summer of opportunities, and he intended to take as many as he could.

He anxiously pulled out his phone, but just then, the realization sunk in that he and Logan hadn't even exchanged phone numbers yet. How exactly was this supposed to work if they couldn't even call or text each other?

_He's got that Ethan fella's number, though._

But of course, this was Autumn, Kansas. Cell phones were only just starting to make their way into daily life in Autumn, and it wouldn't take Kendall but a minute to pull out the phone directory and look up Logan's grandmother's number.

He sat on the sofa, finger shakily held on the listing for Clara Mitchell, 105 Sandalwood Lane. With his other hand, just as shaky, he prepared to dial, but...what if Logan wasn't the one who answered the phone? What if one of his parents did? What would he say to them? "Hi, is your son home? He kinda gets my motor runnin', and-" Did his parents even know that he was gay?

_Just. Relax._

He dialed, and then he listened as the phone rang. Little by little, his heartbeat lined up with the rhythm of the ringing, producing a nerve-wracking suspense that would have eaten him alive if not for the welcome sound of the voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"It's you!" Kendall sighed, releasing all of his tension but being careful not to sound too excited. _Play it cool, take it slow._

"Hey," Logan replied, he himself trying to stay cool.

"You know who this is, right?"

"Yeah, I know who this is," Logan answered cutely. "I'm startin' to learn your voice."

There was a silence. Not an awkward one, but one that was made up of both boys' pure awe of each other and anticipation of what the other would say.

"I...uh...I been meanin' to get in touch with you since Saturday night," Kendall finally said, his voice suddenly taking on a serious tone. Did he want to get in touch with Logan to share more bonding and closeness...or to go over a business transaction?

Logan smiled a cute little closed-mouth smile to himself as he sat alone in front of the TV in his grandmother's living room. Somehow, all of his fear and doubt about what Kendall's true motives were seemed to just disappear upon hearing the shaky

sound of the country boy's voice. Once again, Logan felt comfortable.

"I stopped by your place yesterday," he said, "but you weren't there, so I kinda...I guess I just figured you-"

"I was at Hazel's," Kendall quickly explained.

Logan nodded. "The waitress."

"Yeah. She...she was one of my mama's friends for a long, long time, and...after everything happened, she kinda took over for me."

Logan nodded again, understanding but not really knowing what to say. Another silence followed.

"I been thinkin' 'bout what I said Saturday night," Kendall once again broke the silence. "And I meant what I said. About seein' you again, I mean. I want to."

"I want to see you, too," Logan agreed.

"Well..."

"Well..."

And suddenly, Kendall felt extremely silly. Why were they acting like two lost sheep who didn't know what to do? Why was he acting like a child? He knew what he wanted, and he knew how to get it.

"Then, why don't you get yourself over here?" he loosely insisted to Logan, who kinda giggled at the sound of Kendall's strengthening resolve.

"I'd love to," Logan replied. "But I can't."

"Why not?"

"I have to stay with my grandmother while my parents are out of town over night."

"Oh." Kendall groaned a little, the wind being taken out of his sails.

"How about tomorrow?" Logan asked. "I can come over tomorrow after you get off from work, and I don't know...we can watch a movie or something? That's something friends do, right?"

"Haha," Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, friends can do that." But then he remembered. "Ugh. Shit. I can't tomorrow. I took on some extra hours for a friend at the mill, so I won't be gettin' off 'til real late. Same on Wednesday."

"Oh," Logan sighed. He didn't want to sound unappreciative of the fact that Kendall had to work for a living, but damn...how was this supposed to work if they couldn't even coordinate a date? Or get-together. Or meeting between friends. Whatever the hell it was.

"Wait a minute," Kendall suddenly exclaimed. "Duh!"

"What?"

"Thursday! I'm off all day Thursday. Can you get out of the house?"

"Sure, I could. I'll have to tell my parents tomorrow so that they don't make any plans, but they shouldn't have any problem with it."

"Good."

"What movie do you want to watch?" Logan asked. "I brought a good bit of DVDs from home, so I'm sure I have something you'd like."

"Uh..."

"You know what I meant."

"Yeah," Kendall blushed. "I'm...uh...sure you do have something I'd like. But you know...I kinda have an idea coming together in my head, something I think _you'd_ like."

"And what's that?"

"Oh, I don't spoil surprises," Kendall teased. "You'll just have to wait and see."

"Ah, so you're one of those types of guys, huh?" Logan said. "That's fine. Surprise me. But I'll let you know that I have a very perceptive mind."

"A what? What does that even mean?"

"It means I'm good at figuring things out! And I'll figure out what your little surprise is, too!"

"Oh...well, we'll see about that!"

They hung up, and just like that, all of the excitement that had been pulsing through Kendall's body all day was back, and he was as kinetic as ever. He hopped up from the sofa, grabbed his guitar, and retrieved a raggedy old notebook that had been sitting on the very top of the refrigerator under a potted plant. There were so many hopeful feelings running through him at this moment, and he desperately needed to do something with them.

Meanwhile, Logan very lazily hung the phone up on his end, his eyes never leaving the TV screen or the darkening sky it reflected. His hopes were getting up...he was allowing himself to be swept off of his feet by this boy. But this wasn't the first time, and the ugliness of the last time had never been completely washed away. Its grime still stuck in the corners of his memory, and, so, while he felt his heart flutter at the thought of Kendall's surprise and his feelings tingle at the thought of spending a day with Kendall and his private parts stiffen at the thought of kissing Kendall again...he also felt his guard priming itself to rise the second he needed it to.


	9. Passage of Time

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Don't ask questions. Just read, damn it!

* * *

><p><strong>EXPRESSING MY LOVE<strong>

**- 9 -**

**Passage of Time**

Thursday morning was beautiful. The town of Autumn could have very well just changed its name to Summer, for the sky was cloudless and blue, birds sang their sweet and melodious tunes, the trees were all lush and green, and the air was crisp and clean. For both Logan and Kendall, it was as if all the time since their last conversation had been cold, torturous, and unfeeling, with Thursday's sunrise being the promise of a new beginning.

Logan was about half the distance between his grandma's house and Kendall's trailer, and his heart was racing. It had been a long time since he'd spent a day with a boy who he knew for a fact could potentially be someone special in his life. Truth be told, he really never knew how to properly act on "dates." It was always Ethan who'd taken the reins, and even now, it was Kendall who was planning a "surprise." Of course, he still hoped that Kendall wouldn't suddenly decide that this whole "gay thing" wasn't for him, but even worse than that...what if Kendall decided that the "gay thing" was fine, it was just _Logan_ that he was having second thoughts about? Yes, this day was going to be extremely crucial.

_No_, he told himself. _It's not a big deal at all._ And maybe if he made himself believe that, his nerves would calm down.

Not that Kendall was any more calm, of course. He hoped to God that his idea of a surprise wouldn't fall flat with Logan. A picnic on the high Kansas prairie followed by shopping and a movie in nearby Palmerville. He felt a little guilty because this was the "surprise" he'd always have for the girls he'd attempt to be interested in in the past. It had worked for them, though (even if _they_ had never really worked for _him_), so he hoped Logan would have a good time, too.

_He's different, though. He's so much different._

The basket was filled with a couple of sandwiches, some bottles of water, and, lo and behold, fresh fruit he'd managed to pick up at the grocery store on his way home from work the night before. _Gotta show him that I care._ He'd gotten paid that week, too, so shopping and the movie, and any other activities they'd partake in, would all be on him. He couldn't think of a better way to spend his money.

When he heard the Mustang pull up in his driveway, a sudden rush of jitters shot through him, but it was okay. He breathed in, breathed out, and gave himself a quick look in the mirror. _I look good._ Before he knew it, Logan was on the porch and knocking on the screen door.

"Uh, come in," he stammered. It was the very presence of Logan that knocked him slightly off-kilter.

Logan stepped inside like an angel sent from heaven, visible beams of light very obnoxiously highlighting his figure. Kendall stood in awe as his eyes went over Logan's smooth, creamy skin, short, jet black hair, and fit body.

"Hey," he managed to let slip out, but it was such a raw, unformed syllable, almost like a reflex.

"Hi," Logan replied, totally aware of Kendall's attraction. He slowly walked toward him, and, for a hot second, it almost looked like he would have kissed him, but instead, his hands went straight to Kendall's forehead to tend to what was left of his wounds from Saturday night.

"Looks like it's healing well," Logan said, avoiding eye contact as he gently pulled back the bandage and lightly touched the scabby membrane. "You've been cleaning it twice a day, right?"

"Yeah," Kendall answered, still caring more about the beautiful young man standing in front of him than he did about the broken skin on his forehead. "I did just what you told me to."

"Good," Logan said. He pressed a little bit at the wound once more before readhering the bandage, but just as their skin-to-skin contact was about to cease, Kendall slowly took hold of both of his arms and looked squarely into his eyes. Logan issued no detectable protest as Kendall pulled him closer and their lips met, the pent-up wanting that had been growing in the both of them all week long suddenly released.

When it was over, at first, there were no words, just eyes...glances...smiles...expressions. Logan's was of surprise but also relief. _That wasn't a mistake. He knows what he's doing. He knows._ And Kendall's was of discovery and excitement. _It keeps getting better._

"Hey...friend," Kendall said, the eyes never parting.

"Hey," Logan replied. His look of surprise and Kendall's look of discovery turned into matching looks of satisfaction.

"So...what's this surprise you've been planning?" Logan asked.

"Follow me," Kendall offered, and he took Logan by the hand as he went to grab the picnic basket. "Get my guitar, will ya?"

"Sure," Logan obeyed. He took great care at picking up what he subconsciously assumed was Kendall's most prized possession, but his eyes remained on the picnic basket. His stomach was filling with butterflies. The mere thought of country boy Kendall being romantic enough to come up with a picnic sent little lust fairies all throughout his body.

"We have a full day ahead of us," Kendall teased as he opened the door and allowed Logan out before himself.

"Should I be worried?" Logan half-joked. Kendall closed the door behind them and headed down the porch steps.

"No," Kendall answered. "You're with me, remember?"

* * *

><p>Logan was usually an easy-going guy, but there were some things that he was just extremely uptight and paranoid about. One of those things was his 2011 Ford Mustang GT. It was candy apple red with white racing stripes, and neither his friends nor his parents had ever believed that it really fit his personality. It had roar and power, and it was a titan on the road, and the thought of nerdy, sophisticated Logan driving it was enough to make anyone who knew him scratch their forehead. His parents had thought for sure he'd want a Prius or something, but nope, he'd gone straight for the Mustang, no questions asked.<p>

Whenever one particular question would come up, though - "Can I drive?" - Logan's answer was always a resounding _No_. The only time he'd allow anyone else to drive his baby was when he'd go to get routine maintenance done on her, and that was only because the garage had liability policies to follow. As far as anyone else, though? It was understood that Logan drove Logan's car. And that was that.

"Here it is," Kendall announced as Logan carefully put his foot down on the brake. Oh, Kendall had insisted and insisted upon driving, but Logan was polite in having absolutely none of that. _"It's hard to explain where the spot's at - I should just drive." "I know the roads better than you do, though." "I promise I'm a good driver." "Please." _The rambunctious man in Kendall wanted desperately to get behind the wheel of that car, almost as much as he wanted to get closer to Logan. Almost.

They were about ten miles outside of Autumn, and it looked like the middle of nowhere. At least, it was more middle-of-nowhere than the average Cooper County locale. Still, though, there was an unmistakable beauty and charm to the area. A wide prairie that stretched for miles and miles on either side of the cracked back road, a silence broken only by the sound of wind blowing through the plains and birdsong.

The boys got out of the car and toted the picnic basket along for a few yards into the prairie, plopping it and themselves down in a nice little clearing that allowed them to see for days around them.

"So, this is your idea of a surprise, huh?" Logan asked, trying to act like he wasn't totally smitten.

"It's only the beginning," Kendall replied defensively, but he knew Logan was just teasing. "There's more. Just be patient."

A tingly chill went through Logan's body. "I can be patient."

They ate lunch and made small talk about the scenery. Logan, of course, knew the geography of the area well. Once his parents had told him that he'd be spending the summer in Kansas, he went about researching all the information he could find about it. Though he wasn't completely crazy about the one-horse town society, it still excited him to be here amongst the flora and fauna he'd read so much about. More than that, though, he was excited to be here with a boy - a man - who wanted to show him a good time.

Both silence and tension grew as they finished eating and sucked on their bottles of water. This whole thing was just feeling..._right_, but neither one of them wanted to outright express his glee. If they shared nothing else in common, it was a history of screwing things up.

Kendall observed as Logan tilted his head back and let the water flow past his lips, over his tongue, and down his throat, his Adam's apple bobbing with each current. _He's just a boy. Nothing to be scared of._

"What's it like...in the city?" he finally asked, his soft country twang blending in with the sound of the waving fields.

Logan was caught just a little by surprise, but he put his bottle down and let his answer formulate in his head. "Well, it's...it's very different from anything here," he said. "Lots of people...lots of things. Lots of movement. Just...constant activities."

Kendall just nodded. "I bet they got a lotta things to do on a day like today."

"Oh yeah," Logan confirmed. "Museums...libraries...theaters. All kinds of good stuff." _Way to sound like a dork!_ "And, I mean...you know, malls and gyms and nightclubs and stuff, too."

"Probably makes Kansas look like hell on earth, huh?"

Logan chuckled, but he started to shake his head. "Come on, it's not that bad."

"Yeah, says the feller who wanted to get away as soon as he got here!"

"Hey! That's not fair! That was before...you know...before everything."

Their voices lulled to a silence, with Logan looking over at Kendall, hoping he wouldn't have to further explain himself and Kendall just looking down, plucking blades of grass out of the ground.

"Before what?" Kendall asked, never looking up, but a tell-tale grin appeared on his face.

"You know..._everything_," Logan iterated nudgingly.

"Everything like _what_?" Kendall asked again. He looked up at Logan through his bangs.

Logan pouted and rolled his eyes. "Like the speed-knitting club that meets every Tuesday at the VFW Hall."

Kendall chuckled dryly, Logan's sense of humor turning him on more and more with every joke.

"Everything like you," Logan said loosely, not giving himself time to overanalyze whether or not he should admit these feelings to Kendall.

Kendall looked at him with serene eyes. "You're just saying that."

"No, I am not just s_aying_ that!" Logan protested, shaking his head and laughing at Kendall's relentless modesty.

Kendall smiled, but he didn't laugh, and he never took his eyes off of Logan. "Then what is it that makes me so special to you, then?"

Logan's eyes widened. "I mean, I don't know..."

"Uh?"

"No, I _do_ know! I know! It's just...it's hard to explain. _You're_ hard to explain. I don't know. And maybe that's part of the reason why I...the reason why I'm interested in you." _Is 'interested' a good word? Can I use that? Can we call it that?_ "You're still a little bit of a mystery to me, and I like that, and I want to know more. And the things I know about you now are enough to make me want to know more." His eyes were desperate, hoping Kendall could find sense in the stew of words he'd just stumbled over.

True to form, Kendall offered little more than a nod as he looked down at the Kansas earth. "I guess what makes you special to me is simple." A beat, and then his intense eyes were on Logan's. "I just like being with you."

* * *

><p>"I swear, I don't need any new clothes."<p>

"Oh god, you're such a liar. In the month we've known each other, I've seen you wear that ratty old Autumn High shirt maybe three times, and I know you rotate no more than like four pairs of jeans."

"Four pairs of jeans is a lot!"

"Well, six is even more."

They were at the Palmerville Mall, casually looking through the merchandise inside Bethancourt, a somewhat trendy clothing store geared towards teens and twentysomethings. Kendall had insisted that Logan "have at it" in regards to buying new outfits for himself. What he hadn't counted on, however, was Logan trying to launch a mini makeover on him.

"Why do I need two more pairs of jeans?" Kendall asked, protesting just enough to keep this interesting but not too much to make Logan change his mind.

Logan inspected a stack of men's jeans in the cozy corner in which the store kept its denim wall. A large glass window opened out into the mall, where fast-moving shoppers carried bags, pushed strollers, and sipped on smoothies. It was hard to believe that the hustle and bustle of a suburban mall could exist so close to the mom-and-pop life of Autumn.

"Here," Logan said, pulling out a pair of slim-fit jeans. He knew he'd probably never get Kendall into skinnies, so this was the closest thing.

"Oh, no," Kendall said, shaking his head. "You're gonna have a hard time gettin' me into those things."

"Come on!" Logan insisted. He opened the jeans and held them up for inspection. "These jeans are made specifically for people built like you."

"Oh...?" Kendall noted with a slight turn of the head and a somewhat arrogant glint in his eye. _I'm pretty built._

"Yeah. Long, wiry legs...not much of a butt..."

"Uh!" Kendall scoffed, immediately grabbing his own behind with both of his hands. "You take that back!"

"Eh, well, I like to keep things honest," Logan said wryly. He was just a little bit proud of his flirt game.

"Well, if we're being honest," Kendall said as he grabbed the pants, "let's just say that I don't think _you'd_ fit that well in them, not with all that you have back there. What are you, one of those Kardashians?"

"Hey, I think I'll take that as a compliment," Logan said, blushing, as Kendall led the way to the fitting rooms.

The girl working the fitting rooms couldn't have been any more than sixteen, and the poor thing was swamped with clothes to fold, hang, and return to the salesfloor. As soon as Kendall and Logan approached her, however, she stopped what she was doing and greeted them with a big smile.

"Hi, guys," she said in a standard "customer service" voice. "Trying on?"

"He is," Logan said, clumsily handing some shirts over to Kendall to go with the jeans that apparently were gonna be tried on after all. A sudden nervousness hit him, and he knew not where it came from.

"All right," the girl confirmed. "Follow me."

Kendall followed the girl down the corridor of dressing rooms to the very last one on the left. He glanced back at Logan, who sorta wandered away, before disappearing into his stall.

Several minutes later, Kendall emerged from his stall.

"I can take what didn't work out for you," the girl offered, but he shook his head.

"It's all good. Thanks."

She smiled and wished him a good day.

He looked around the store for his friend, his..._friend_, but after his search proved fruitless, he simply paid for his new merchandise and went back into the mall, where he found Logan sitting on a bench just outside Bethancourt, his elbows on his knees and his head down. _Fuck, fuck...what did I do?_

"Good to go?" Logan asked, very clearly feigning normality.

"Yeah," Kendall said as he sat next to Logan, but not too close because..._is he mad about something? Did I do something wrong?_ "You won your war, by the way," he said.

"Huh?"

"I got the jeans." Somehow, Kendall assumed this would cheer Logan right up and they'd be back on track.

Logan smiled. "See, I told you they'd look all right," he said with just enough pep to compensate for his sudden change of mood, but Kendall wasn't easily fooled.

_Oh, shit! What happened?_ he thought as they watched in silence as other people passed by, apparently having the time of their lives. _What did I do? What did I do?_

"What did I do?" he finally asked aloud, giving himself a bit of a shock. "I mean, what's the matter?"

"Nothing," Logan said, lying through his teeth and avoiding Kendall's eyes. _You're the matter...we're the matter._

"Then why are we sitting here?" Kendall asked, not about the bullshit and very, very slowly starting to get unnerved.

"I was waiting for you."

"You could have waited for me in there...I mean, I figured since you picked all this out for me, you might've wanted to see how it looked on me."

Logan turned to him and saw a bit of hurt, or was it disappointment, in Kendall's face. _Damn it. _"Look, it's not you. I promise."

"Then, what is it?" Kendall asked earnestly.

Logan sighed and pursed his lips together. "I just have things that I need to get over, okay? I promise, it's nothing serious or Earth-shattering. Just...things."

Kendall nodded. Sure, he'd accept that answer. "Well, you know you can talk to me, right? You listened to all my stuff, so the least I can do is listen to yours."

Logan smiled, this time for real. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

For a moment, their eyes were suspended in motion, but when they snapped back into reality, they realized just how close they'd gotten on the bench.

Kendall kinda slid away. "I'm sorry," he said.

"No, don't apologize," Logan said.

A moment. Just long enough for Kendall to muster up the nerve.

"Let's go for a walk," he said, "by the river."

* * *

><p>"It really is a pretty day today," Logan commented as he and Kendall walked along the Calumet River. A long railed sidewalk and tree-covered park paralleled the river for as long as the eye could see.<p>

"Yep," Kendall agreed. "I think I picked a good one for our little...outing, or whatever you want to call it."

Logan gulped a little. _It's a date_. "Heh. I'm not too crazy about labels. Why call it anything?"

"We don't have to call it anything."

There was no doubt an unmistakable layer of tension in the air. Logan's swift change of attitude at the mall, coupled with Kendall's lifelong tendency to retreat into passiveness whenever he was faced with a challenge of the heart, had the potential to completely sour the mood for the rest of the day, but neither one of them wanted it to go like that. It just wasn't meant to be like that. Today was supposed to be special and good and beautiful and...

"You know, I could see myself living in a town like this," Logan announced crisply as their walking ceased and they leaned over the railing.

"What, Palmerville?" Kendall asked, hoping he'd seen the last of emo Logan for the day.

"Yeah. It's a pretty decent-sized place. You have all of the things that you'd ever _really_ need, but it doesn't seem too crowded."

"It's a nice place," Kendall agreed. He kept agreeing with Logan without forcing himself. "We almost moved here, me and my mama and my sister, but then...well Mama got sick, and you know the rest."

Logan turned to Kendall with concerned eyes and a frown. He could have said he was sorry, but he knew Kendall could already feel his pity and wasn't particularly fond of it constantly being voiced.

_Look at me, fuckin' up again_, Kendall thought. _He tries to cheer things up a bit, and I mention Mama._

"Maybe one day you'll live here," Logan offered. "Close enough to Autumn to visit people there as much as you want to, but far away enough for you to live your own life without everybody butting in."

"Heh, true story," Kendall chuckled. "Where do you want to live most in the world?"

"Ha. I've thought about this a lot, and I swear, I change my mind probably every time I think about it. For a long time, I wanted to live in New York, because, I mean...it has everything, right? But then I became fascinated with the Midwest, and I was deadset on moving to Carbondale, Illinois."

"Never heard of it."

"Most people haven't. It's a college town, kinda like this, and it's very quaint, and I've read a lot about it, and it just seems really, really calm."

"Well, I'm sure you'll end up there one day."

"Right, but that's just the thing. Ever since coming out here, I've become fascinated with everything here, so it's like...maybe somewhere in Kansas wouldn't be so bad."

"Anywhere but Autumn, right?" Kendall laughed, jabbing Logan's shoulder.

"Oh no, not this again!" Logan laughed in return. "You people really get a bee under your bonnet when someone doesn't fall in love with your little town right away, don't you?"

"Hey, you already know, at this point, I don't owe Autumn nothin', so it's whatever. Love it or hate it, don't matter much to me. These days, I'm hatin' it more and more myself, so yeah."

"But it's your home, though! That counts for something, doesn't it?"

Kendall went and grabbed a large, flat stone. He inspected as Logan continued to talk, and in one graceful motion, he sent it gliding through the air and they watched as it skipped across the river.

"My dad talks a whole lot of shit about Autumn," Logan continued, "but when we came here, I could see how excited he was to be back. He wouldn't shut up about his days growing up there."

"Yeah, well, maybe it was one way back then. But you seen the crowd we have now. Not a whole lot of interesting people, if you ask me."

"But you have friends! Those guys from the roadhouse."

"Who? Lance and Dustin? Please! I work with them, we play cards every once and a while. They're idiots. Total morons, and if it wasn't for me, they both woulda got killed a long time ago."

Logan shook his head. "Tsk tsk tsk. That's not the way we talk about idiots."

"And then you got the girl, Tara," Kendall went on, feeling a little bit of fire growing inside of him as he called out all of his Autumn cronies. "She's just desperate for any kind of male attention from anybody that she could get it from. I'm pretty sure after we left the Wild Cherry that night, she probably ended up with Lance or Dustin or the both of them, doing God knows what!"

"Well," Logan said, "she seemed to be really interested in you."

Kendall nodded, his head down, only slightly sidelined by that comment. "Yeah. She is. But she ain't gettin' it from me, so she's wastin' her time."

Logan smirked, chuckled even. He so wanted to ask, "Gettin' what?" but he practiced self-control.

"And then you got Billy Joe Conley's big, dumb, simple-minded ass, stompin' around like he runs shit. And everybody else is pissin' their pants because they're scared of him."

"And those who aren't afraid of him just get punched in the face, right?"

Kendall paused and looked at Logan, who made a quick, cheesy grin.

"Oh, you little fucker!"

Kendall chased Logan into the park, but Logan had speed, and he dotted in and around trees and playground equipment faster than Kendall could keep up with him. He hopped over a fire hydrant and into a sandbox, falling flat on his knees. Kendall came tumbling after, and he pinned Logan down.

"I get my face pounded over you, and you think it's funny?" Kendall asked, both of them breathing hard, their hearts beating out of their chests.

"It was pretty funny," Logan declared, enjoying every minute of riling his new friend up.

"You know what else was funny?" Kendall asked. "When I did this."

And he went in for a kiss, and suddenly, Logan's strength collapsed, and he had a head full of sand.

Luckily, no one was around, but that probably wouldn't have mattered anyway. This was Palmerville, the university town, where no one particularly cared too much about two guys kissing in a sandbox.

* * *

><p>That wonderful day would lead to more wonderful days. And as the days turned into weeks, those weeks felt like years. Time was slow in Autumn, and two weeks and two days could very well feel like two years and two months.<p>

But no, in reality, it had only been two weeks and two days since the Palmerville trip, and things were going well.

Over the course of those two weeks and two days, Kendall and Logan grew closer. It was now routine for Logan to come over and cook for Kendall two or three nights out of the week, and they'd have dinner together while watching one of Kendall's favorite westerns. Then the guitar would come out, and Kendall would teach Logan how to play. Usually, it'd just end up being Kendall playing and Logan singing, but that was all right with them.

Thursdays were always special because a trip to Palmerville, complete with a roadside picnic, would be the usual plan for the day.

At last, Kendall Knight had someone to spend his Thursdays with. Who would have ever thought it'd be the cute little stranger from the diner?

In the midst of their getting closer, there were conversations about who they were and what they were and what they wanted to be. Kendall wanted desperately to believe that this was going to be something long-lasting, and so did Logan, but both boys, ever terrified of doing the wrong things, kept quiet about it so as not to jinx it. But, oh, how they both wanted to take things to the next level.

Two weeks and two days had passed, and they kissed every time they met and every time they parted, but neither one could bring himself to explore the other's body beyond the mouth.

That would soon change.

A bolt of lightning struck no more than two or three miles outside of Autumn, and the crash of thunder that followed nearly shook Kendall's trailer off of its foundation. The rain that had only seemed like a small sprinkle earlier that Saturday had very quickly turned into a raging storm, and it carried with it a thin layer of chill that permeated every corner of the home until Kendall calmly turned on the ancient but efficient central heating.

"I'm at Kendall's," Logan said to his mom, holding his phone close to his ear. It was hard to hear with the roar of the storm vibrating through the walls, but he recognized the tone of her voice and knew he'd have to reassure her at least a hundred times that he was okay before he'd get her to hang up the phone. "Mom, we'll be fine. Yes, it's a trailer. Yes. I know what a trailer is, Mom. Kendall says it's survived three twisters. We'll be okay!"

Kendall eased back into the living room after adjusting the heat in the hallway. Logan turned to him and shook his head, indicating his henpecked mom, and Kendall just shook his head back. _I wish I still had my mom._ But he wouldn't hold that against Logan.

"Mom, of course we're not gonna go anywhere in a storm like this! It's pouring down!" Now he just wanted to get her off the line. "We're just gonna hang out here until the storm passes. I'll call you whenever I get ready to head home."

Kendall sat in the recliner, paying close attention to this conversation. Logan assumed it was because he was just as ready to get rid of Mrs. Mitchell as he was, but there were other thoughts going through Kendall's head.

"You've been spending a lot of time over there," Mrs. Mitchell said. "You boys are...getting closer?"

"Mom!" Logan replied, but he checked himself. "We...um...we are, but that's besides the point. We'll stay safe, I promise. Good-bye."

She was able to squeeze one more nag before Logan coud hang up. He immediately apologized. "I'm so sorry. She gets so worried over the smallest things sometimes." And, right on cue, thunder sounded, once again shaking the trailer. Logan's eyes darted around the room, and his fear was suddenly evident.

"I don't know," Kendall said wryly. "That sounded like somethin' to worry about."

Logan calmed down, careful not to look ridiculous. "It's just a storm. They happen all the time." Another crash, and he pulled himself in closer to his seat on the couch as Kendall just watched him. "It'll be over in no time."

It was 12:45 in the afternoon, but it looked no earlier than maybe nine or ten o'clock at night. The storm had brought with it a shroud of darkness that made the usually sunny fields of Autumn look like a perpetual graveyard, stretching further and further like something out of a drug-induced hallucination. The boys had planned to spend the day outside, working Logan's car, but once the rain came down, they'd settled on staying in. By this point, Kendall's idiot "friends" didn't even bother to call him on Saturdays anymore because they knew he'd be too "busy" to play poker.

Logan had made sandwiches for what they'd thought would be an outside lunch, but it had taken no longer than a minute for he and his restless friend to plow through them all. Now, the food was gone, and the electricity was out, and options for passing the time were few.

Kendall stood up and looked out the window overlooking the backyard. A dark blue sky over the silhouette of wheat fields. There was something romantic about it...something intimate, and he was feeling it.

Logan, who sat silently, felt it, too, and deep down, maybe they both knew what the other was feeling. There was just something in them in that moment that told them...today would be the day.

"Does she know?" Kendall suddenly asked, joining Logan on the couch.

"Know what?"

"About...us." _We're an us now. Ain't we? We gotta be by now..._

"Oh. No...I haven't told her anything, I swear."

"Oh."

Kendall reached over and took Logan's hand, rubbing it with his thumb and gently squeezing it. "You can tell them...if you want to. I'm ready whenever you are."

Logan gulped. Kendall's touch did so much to him and made him feel so much, and he almost lost his train of thought. "What should I tell them?"

"Whatever you wanna tell 'em."

"I'm not even sure I know what that is. What are we?"

Kendall put Logan's hand down and used all of his fingers to massage his temples, reaching deep into his mind to find an answer that would make sense to the both of them. "We're two people...who enjoy each other's company. We...we make each other smile. Ain't much more to it than that, I'd say."

Oh, but was that answer enough for Logan? It was loaded enough with deeper meanings for Kendall to understand, but Logan, whose scientific mind needed to have everything out on the table for it to be real, wanted more.

"I...really, really like you," he whispered carefully to Kendall. He quivered nervously, partly because of the chill but more because he was not used to initiating things. He put a shaky hand on Kendall's neck, letting his palm rest on the warmth of his skin. "And I want you."

"You got me," Kendall replied in a voice so low Logan could barely hear him, but even if Kendall had said nothing at all, it was clear how he felt. He moved Logan's hand down his chest slowly, pausing for a second on his heartbeat. With his other hand, he began to rub Logan's thigh, but Kendall Knight was never one to beat around the bush. Within about fifteen seconds, he was straddling the upright Logan on the couch, and the two were making out.

There were no words, just the sounds of two people beginning to make love.

Kendall aggressively pressed his crotch into Logan's belly, and he could feel a rise in Logan's pants under him. That rise gave way to a rise of his own, and the next thing he felt was his T-shirt ascending his body until it was over his head and on the living room floor.

Logan pawed at Kendall's body, his hands roving over the tight muscles held in soft skin. With every move Kendall made, his muscles flexed, and the sensation sent Logan over. His own shirt was coming off next, and his thicker, doughy build was nothing at all like the other boy's, but Kendall immediately began to kiss a trail from his neck, down to his soft chest, and even further down to his belly.

"So sexy," Kendall muttered between kisses, and Logan felt a boost of confidence radiate throughout his body.

Like a panther, Kendall slid off of Logan's body and stood erect in front of him. He was pink from all of Logan's grabbing and pinching, and his chest rose and fell violently. Logan just reclined on the sofa, his body sinking deeper and deeper.

Their eyes were set on each other as Kendall pushed his mesh basketball shorts off. His underwear was loose, and Logan could see his cock through the hole. He froze on the sight, but only for a second, for as long as it had been since he'd been with a guy this way, he immediately remembered what to do.

He leaned forward, his eyes still on the member, and he reached into the hole in the boxers. He wrapped his fingers around it and tugged, feeling it grow in his hand. Nervously, he looked up at Kendall. _Am I doing it right?_ The way Kendall licked his lips and closed his eyes answered his question.

Logan stood, and as they again made out, his worked his way out of his jeans and underwear, and Kendall finally rid himself of his boxers. They stood naked in the middle of the room, their mouths pressed together and their arms all over each other.

"Come on," Kendall nudged. He took Logan by the hand and led him to his bedroom.

What followed was the release of several weeks' worth of pent-up emotion and pent-up lust, all against the backdrop of the violent maelstrom carrying on outside.

In bed, Logan found himself under Kendall's weight, and the taller, skinnier boy shoved two fingers into his mouth. Logan sucked on them both, and within seconds, he could feel the same two fingers under his body, begging to enter him.

"Tell me if I hurt you," Kendall whispered. "I ain't never did this with a guy before."

Logan just nodded and pulled Kendall close. Before long, Kendall's full length was inside Logan, and yes, there was pain, but Logan remembered how it felt the very first time. Ethan had been so aggressive, so pushy, so...inconsiderate. Kendall, on the other hand, was being so careful, so tentative. For once, Logan felt as if he could be in charge, even if it was Kendall on top.

"I'll help you," he whispered back to Kendall, and it went on in that way. Kendall, unsure of exactly what he was doing, and Logan, showing him how to pleasure a man.

Maybe it was their nerves, maybe it was the continuous onslaught of rain, but they came together in a matter of minutes. There'd been no protection, so Logan had been mindful to push Kendall out of him before he'd reached his climax, but even still, there'd been an electric shock coursing through the both of them.

Kendall collapsed on the bed beside Logan.

"I'm sorry," Kendall sighed between breaths.

"For what?" Logan asked, and he turned to Kendall, cautiously resting his arm across Kendall's body. The warm, sticky cum on Kendall's chest could have belonged to either one of them.

"That was...quick."

"Mmmm." Logan couldn't disagree that it could have lasted longer, but who gave a fuck? You cared about such things when it was just sex for the sake of sex. Ethan always bragged about how many "rounds" he could last, never mind the fact that by round three or four, Logan would just be lying there, an almost inanimate receptacle for his jizz.

"It was perfect," Logan soothed in Kendall's ear. "You're perfect."

In the flashes of lightning, Kendall could see Logan's big, earnest, brown eyes. He turned to his side and kissed him.

"You're amazing. Everything I been wantin'."

The roar of thunder, the flash of lightening, the pouring of the rain...and the beginning of a new relationship.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I felt like writing. I can make no promises on when you'll get Ch. 10, but hey, if I could finish this one, who's to say it's gonna take over two years for another one? Just have some patience with me, peeps. Feel free to reread the previous chapters. Thanks for the continued love and support that my inbox is STILL receiving despite over 2 years of inactivity. Y'all are great!


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